Watching the news tonight, seeing the amount of violent crime going on in the SF Bay Area, notably that which happens on public transit.

What I think is happening is that homeless either on drugs or struggling with mental health have begun using busses and trains as shelter. 

Over the past 15 years, I've observed that the transit hubs and stations have been the places where drug activity is extremely high, with addicts rolling up in blankets underneath bus stop enclosures, some sitting down in groups to light up meth pipes behind them.

I've caught BART trains and walked by rows of junkies sitting on the floor near the entrances, their fix kits arrayed about them on a jacket.

Getting off a bus on my way to work, a guy on a bicycle asks me in a hard to place accent if I know where we can go to smoke some crystal. 

"No I do not." I say, loudly but matter of factly, not even slowing my stride. He starts wobbling, "Oh, I'm sorry!" He is now afraid he will get in trouble. 

"Ts'all right." I drawl, too focused on getting where I'm going to be the drug guy police...

Prayer on Occasion of Assassination

 Father God,

We come to You today, Lord, very shaken and sickened.

I confess my sins of pride and complacency, I am really brought low and feel sorrow.

I thank You for bringing us a speaker like Charlie Kirk, who had an uncompromising message for our country.

Thank You for the speakers and politicians that stand up for what's right.

Thank You for being with our country in the face of rampant crime, and help us to stand against the evil without being influenced by it.

We put on our Ephesians 6 armor, and ask You to give us strength to give us the ability to turn back evil at our gates.

And let us not give in to violent anger, but remember that who we fight against is NOT flesh and blood, but against the rulers and authorities in he heavenly realms.

In the mighty name of JESUS, who is above every name that can be named, we ask You to give us wisdom about how we should go forward from this moment.

Be with Charlie's family. Strengthen them and give them peace.

Give us wisdom about dealing with our loved ones about this tragedy who may not understand.

Grant them an understanding, Heavenly Father, let this be a moment when people come to an understanding, as it says in Isaiah, so that people who walk in darkness can see a great light.

We ask for that light now, Father, for we know that the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness will not overcome it.

Once again, we thank You for Your ever present love, help us to give it to others.

For all these things we ask in the POWERFUL and MIGHTY name of JESUS!!!

Amen.

Just Between Me & Him

 Psalm 40:1-3

"I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of destruction, out of the sticky mud.

He stood me on a rock and made my feet steady.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.

Many people will see this and worship Him.

Then they will trust the Lord."

"Lord, I need *something*, but I don't know what. I'm just gonna ask you to give me what *You* think I need, because right now I don't have a clue."

You can pray that kind of prayer --I do it quite often. It doesn't mean everything's on fire and you don't have a hose or anything, sometimes it just means you feel like you zigged where you should have zagged, and you just want to get back on track, where you belong.

I think He listens to those prayers, probably gets them more often than you think He does. And probably from people you wouldn't think pray them...

The Conservative Feminist Perspective: A Balancing Act of Values

In today’s socio-political landscape, navigating between conservatism and feminism presents unique challenges, particularly for those holding pro-life views. While mainstream feminism often aligns itself with progressive ideologies, conservative feminists reject the notion that the empowerment of women is inextricably tied to liberal policies. This ideological divergence becomes especially clear when considering that the true beneficiaries of abortion are not women, but men. For conservative feminists, this stance highlights the hypocrisy of a movement that claims to champion women’s rights while overlooking the economic and societal exploitation that legalized abortion enables.

The disconnect between image and substance within the Democratic Party is another point of critique. Figures like Kamala Harris and Oprah Winfrey often gain more attention for their appearance or celebrity status than for the content of their political rhetoric. The fixation on aesthetics over policy creates a superficial allure that distracts from the underlying problems plaguing the party. Whether I'm questioning Harris’s competence with satirical jabs about her water bottle contents or noting that Oprah’s purple outfit was the most memorable aspect of her appearance at the DNC,  these critiques reflect frustration with how style frequently eclipses substance in contemporary politics.

For those like myself who reject both the Democratic platform and Trumpism, the middle ground is a lonely yet principled stance. The Clintons serve as emblematic of why many conservative feminists have distanced themselves from both major parties. Their brand of politics, perceived as self-serving and morally bankrupt, epitomizes the corruption that conservative feminists aim to avoid. Yet, the reluctance to embrace Trumpism reflects a rejection of populism and a desire for a conservative movement grounded in intellectual consistency, ethical principles, and policy over personality.

Ben Shapiro’s commentary resonates strongly with me because of his ability to articulate conservative values with precision and clarity. His discussions often highlight the contradictions within the liberal feminist agenda, especially when it comes to issues like free speech, gender ideology, and religious freedom. Engaging with his content allows for a reaffirmation of a conservative worldview that sees feminism as compatible with traditional values, provided that it remains rooted in truth and moral clarity rather than the shifting sands of political trends.

In a polarized environment, the conservative feminist perspective carves out a space where both women’s dignity and conservative principles coexist. By refusing to be pigeonholed into either mainstream feminism or partisan populism, conservative feminists champion a vision of womanhood that prioritizes integrity, moral responsibility, and a commitment to the defense of life and liberty for all.

Angry Rant on What We Do to Creators

 How tacky can people be? Apparently, pretty tacky.

It's no secret that things are tough all over, financially speaking.

But to go to Etsy or Ravelry or wherever and *encourage* people to not pay for patterns, *and* to do it b/c the crochet designer is *nice enough* to post tutorials about her work on YouTube (which I happen to know isn't easy just doing a video where you blithely talk into a phone cam, let alone put in the work to create actual tutorials) is what I would call the height of entitlement!

No artist owes you free stuff or free work hours (craft items can take *many* hours to complete, let alone create the design for and work out instructions for, etc.) which art creators have to put in in order to make what we buy from them. Those that are nice enough to add value to what they sell by making teaching videos or blog posts should most definitely be supported if one can.

And it should go without saying that *encouraging* others not to buy requires a special kind of nasty that seems to only be found among the very privileged. As a former retail worker, guess who I saw most often stealing and attempting to steal (expensive, non-essential stuff?)

It wasn't angry bands of teenagers of color, looting at a BLM riot. It was polished, comfortable looking white ladies (probably the kind that go to Harris/Walts rallies) whose cars and clothing betrayed the fact that their monthly salaries were likely more than I'd make in a year. The kind of "customers" I have grown to revile. 

Karens.

This type of entitlement and larcenous attitude toward creative workers isn't limited to fiber artists. Since I've been on the internet for almost 30 years now, I've seen all kinds of artists, writers, and creators get taken advantage of in a myriad of ways.

If you are a creative, be vigilant and don't let people mess you over!

And those of us who are patrons of the arts, do let's be gracious, and mindful of the blood, sweat, and tears artists put into their work!

Journaling

 Today was reading a book on journaling and was taken with how "privilege" oriented it was, if that's the word I'm looking for.

"Make a list of 50 things you're glad you did in life." presupposes that everyone has that many things that they even did in life, let alone 50 that they're proud/happy about. Because things like illness, depression, and other people controlling my life, I don't have a lot of "achievements" to point to.

Grateful for: The fact that my life doesn't equal how many "achievements" I rack up.

After the Past Couple of Weeks

What with the events of the past two weeks, I feel that this will be the year I go harder (or rather, more unmoving) on being politically conservative.

X & Threads followers, hang on, or jump off as you will, I care not.

And Even though I'm enjoying the RNC, I still won't be voting for Trump, but I'll be voting straight Constitutionalist, which I've been registered as since 2016, when I threw my hands up and rage-quit the Democrats (No moar Clintons!!!) Mainly, I am feeling a growing distaste (more so than usual) for the left-wing media.

I feel like I also need to tone down my own rhetoric, as I'm getting really disgusted w/that of the left wing, and maybe I should try to be a good example? A soft answer turns away wrath? That's in the Bible -- which has really got to be my moral compass as time marches on.

I have to say I am really repulsed by a lot of stuff being thrown around. Over on Threads they're applauding Musk taking X to Texas, in a "don't let the door hit you on the way out!" kind of way. They think everyone in X is a Nazi, good job, liberals.

I come back over to X and find people sniping at Pence like he pulled the trigger on Saturday -- that's not being a good Republican, that's just being kind of trailer trashy.

Well, anyway, those are my current thoughts.

About last night...

The feeling I'm having from last night is very similar to the one I had back in 2016, when I got angry w/Hillary, or whoever was working for her, refusing to let all votes be counted in the primary against Bernie.

I was a Bernie bro, back then, thinking I would always be a lifelong Democrat as I had been since I was first able to vote in the 1980s. That was how my family voted, and it seemed right at the time. I wasn't so much enamored with the socialism aspect of Bernie, I just liked his way of being (still kinda do, actually.)

But seeing the corruption, the dirty dealing and the "Oh just shut up and go with it." of Hillary's people that year, it felt as if scales were falling off my eyes, and I even realized Bernie was kinda weak too (and a commie!), the way he just fell in line.

Even though I will NEVER be a Trump supporter, over time I couldn't disagree with his idea about "fake news." The mainstream media, I started realizing, were going at things as though they had an agenda , perhaps only brought on by Trump's pettiness, but it became obvious to me, they really didn't like him, and were seemingly starting to say to  themselves, "Hey, we're not without options here, we control the narrative, we're how most people find out what's going on in the world..."

It's the whole system of how "the truth gets told." For many years now, we just WATCH these panels of "expert pundits" spout their opinions, accepting them as the gospel truth, accepting the ones spouting off w/o questioning why we should trust them, etc.

This is what comes from people not wanting to read books, or get familiar with things like history or the Constitution, or even seeking out people who *have* done those things & are willing to share & educate about what they know.

Or learn things like Critical Thinking, where you start realizing things like, "news *commentary* is actually NOT the news, it's just someone's *opinion* about the news", and, "that station constantly running *different aspects* of *just one story* for hours on end isn't actually keeping me informed."

I really think that for awhile now, that's what's been happening. And I feel a little bit the way I did when I stopped being a Democrat, even though I would never vote for Trump. 

We'll all be *incensed* over this for a couple of days. Then we'll go back to consuming media. Then it'll get worse.

Something That's NOT About Trump...

I didn't have it on my bingo card for June that people were once again gonna be trying to cancel Adam Driver (if that's not what's happening, I apologize, not my intent to harm anyone in the rat fandom.)

I think (and this may be because a lot of us rats are on the younger side(not me I'm gonna be 58 this month)) people have trouble accepting everyone, and being a little gatekeep-ey about things.

It's not for me to tell everyone what to think, and there are a lot of things in this fandom I won't talk with other fans about because there are issues I'm pretty sure I would disagree with others on. You can look at my profile and tweets (if you've the stomach for that) and see that I have a lot of strong opinions that not every rat shares.

But you also won't see me "correcting" fellow fans or the like, because I know we're such a big group there are lots of different kinds of people in it, and people have a right to be who they are, and think what they want.

I almost didn't become an Adam Driver fan b/c I was pissed that he killed Han Solo. I was in the hospital when I saw it, they were having movie night in the community room and I actually stood up in my wheelchair and threw popcorn at the screen & started yelling.

But now this whole thing of who he's worked with in the past and who he might be working with in the future has people in a tailspin?

I know I made a joke about "don't hurt our precious pookie bear". And there are people in Hollywood that I also don't care for or agree with. But to let it affect who I *do* enjoy? 

Maybe I'm telling everyone what to think, but I just felt like saying, go easy on each other over this, it's just Twitter, it's just movies, a guy can work with people who are abusers or have wrong ideas (sometimes people with wrong ideas just misunderstand stuff, it doesn't make them evil.) without it affecting how great they are.

Unless he does something like murder his family, which I don't see happening (maybe if they get in the way of his *cereal* consumption, or take away his rotisserie chicken?) Adam Driver is pretty unproblematic to me.

I'll be a Driver rat till I die. Not that everyone else has to be, but go easy on each other. There's no reason to chop each other up over things.

The Reading/Writng Connection

 The truth is this: in order to be a writer, even a good writer, you don't need the best grammar and punctuation in the world.

You just need to be better than most, in order to have a good level of "understandability"™ to your writing. Having the best grammar, spelling, and punctuation (and especially syntax) you can possibly have is definitely a good thing, but if it's not effortless for you, if you can achieve understandability, good writing is not outside your grasp.

And it's not difficult to improve immensely on your grammar, spelling, and punctuation. 

The key? Reading. As much and as often as your time and money will allow. In fact, you don't even need that much money, maybe enough to cover occasional late fees at the library. 

Figure out two or three nonfiction topics or two or three types of fiction you'd like to read, and get yourself down to the nearest library. Get a big stack of books. After awhile, you may find reading more pleasurable than watching tv.

A great resource is Open Library, since you're here on the internet, why leave now? Open Library has books that you won't find anywhere else, because a lot of their books are out of print, or have been moved off of library shelves to make room for newer books. Even though you can currently check out most books there for only about an hour at a time, it is still a great place to find something good to read for free, unless you're able to donate, which I highly recommend. You can even create reading "playlists" for yourself there, this website is a lot of fun.

The thing that makes reading so good for your writing is, the more you do it, the more you will begin to recognize what good writing (down to the deets of spelling and grammar) looks like, you'll be able to pick out a writer's individual voice, and discover your own likes and dislikes, and consequently what kind of a writer you'd like to be.

Reading is actually an extremely easy way to improve your writing. The whole time I was in school, I was an abysmally poor student, grade-wise, but because I was also a voracious reader, my best subject was English. Good spelling came naturally to me, and I was my Mother's go-to spelling expert from a young age.

Another thing that will happen when you read more: you'll be able to recognize bad writing, which is actually sort of fun. When you read a book that stinks on ice, you'll be able to say to yourself, "*I* can write better than that!" It may even motivate you to pick up a pen (or a keyboard) and fire off your own book.

If this post motivates you to read more, leave a comment and tell me some of your favorite books, or what your current read is, or some books you saw at the library or bookstore that you want to read next!

Cue the Failure Music (Wa-waah!)

 Ok, so I actually missed a day on the very second day (Go me!)

So what I propose to do about this is to spend today's 100 words on discussing what things distract me from setting up good habits.

From the outset, I should tell you a few things about me: I am somewhat disabled, due to having operations on my feet & having 2 wait for a foot to heal in order to get a hip replacement.

This has taken almost five years now, oweing to the fact that I should spend as much time off my feet as possible, but can't because I also have an elderly mom who is sick and needs my help sometimes, let alone not being able to wait on me.

Hopefully that doesn't sound like blame, because there is none to to be laid in this situation, it's simply the way things are. She needs potatoes peeled? You just peel them sitting down, is all.

Mostly, I just stay in my room, staying off my foot. Maybe once a month I leave the house to go to a doctor's appointment.

I do chair exercises to keep my circulation going, but because I can't do any true cardio, I feel there's still a little left to be desired with my daily workout.

The upshot of all this is that for the past four years or so, I've led an extremely sedentary lifestyle. And due to ADD and a couple of other cognitive issues I already have, the inactivity I live in tends to breed more inactivity. Essentially, I wake up some mornings not knowing whether to wind my watch or go blind.

I naturally try to fill that time with constructive activities, Duolingo, Udemy courses, etc. Sometimes I finish stuff I start, other times I look at the Duolingo app on my phone and see that it's making that crying/melty face.

And of course, there's always things to look at on Twitter, YouTube, or our nice tvs that we have, with all the streaming stuf you can get for free these days.

I try to take in as much educational stuff as I can, read books and my Bible every day. I also do a little crafting. I often get very excited and focused in on one thing, and all of a sudden I look at the clock and realize what time it is. And I've wasted all my time on Adam Driver Twitter, or planner videos on YouTube, or there's that episode of the Golden Bachelor I have to watch...

Anyway, like it or no, and whether it's perfect or not, this is going to be a thing I stick with, because I can't not do it. Everything else is about feeding it anyway.

AltNaNo!

 Well, I found this thing on Tumblr, and it occurred to me that if I want to get serious about blogging again I need to start doing something like this.

I've, always admired people that do NaNoWriMo every year, but I did question how people do it. I've actually been writing off and on since I was a little kid, and I couldn't write an entire novel in one month! 50, 000 words. Are some of them actually playing with the numbers? I can't fault them if they do, but it does make you wonder.

So my task this month is to write for 15 minutes a day, and to keep myself honest I will post it here every day. I have now gone past today's goal of 100 words, and now I'm just writing to fill up the 15 minutes...

...Six minutes, 45 seconds to go...what can I write at the end? I have some plans to re-establish my writing habits, let's see if this helps.

A little over five minutes...so one of my plans was to use this blog as the "sandbox" and post the cream of my writing on Substack, I have a couple of ideas about some stuff to write there. I even have plans to write a small ebook in the somewhat near future.

...Three minutes. This last bit is not as good as I'd like it to be, but at least I'm putting pen to paper...every minute that goes by, I'm at a loss for ideas...maybe I can write about having no ideas.

What can I write for one minute? Do I feel like an author now?

10 seconds...

9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Stuff You Need to Be Cool in Delaware

1. A Corvette

2. Driving shades

3. A garage

The presence of item #2 entails the idea of driving *music*, which I find to be very important.

This raises the question, what DOES the president listen to when he’s driving? Does he play Credence or the Stones? Probably nothing heavier than that.

I don’t think he’s a Metallica guy, I can’t see him blasting “Master of Puppets" out his car window, but “Midnight Rambler" might be something he’d have on his playlist.

The Greatest Book That's Not the Bible

 My favorite book of all time, the one that shaped who I am *before* I read the Bible and had my world turned around, is “Harriet the Spy", by Louise Fitzhugh.

You open that book up, on the first page, this girl is PLANNING A CITY. You can’t get more “grab the reader & run with them" than that.

I was introduced to this book at a very early age, in the summer school session, after first grade when we had JUST learned to read. Ms. McClain, a feminist if there ever was one, read it to us.

Something about Harriet affected me deeply, and I wanted to do everything she did. She didn’t care about dressing like everyone else, she wasn’t messing around with learning ballroom dancing, she considered her after school activities to be very serious work, and most importantly, she was very serious about writing. And I think if that 11 year old had grown up during the sixties and was still alive today, she’d most likely still be writing.

After I’d had this read to me, I found my own copy and read it voraciously. I took up the habit of keeping a notebook, just like Harriet, and tried to be very serious about my own inner life and habits.

Now that I’m a “grownup", I don’t have that same kind of steady drive to forward an agenda, I have moments that come in little spurts, like this.

Writing Practice

 Working thru a book called “Anybody Can Write” by Roberta Jean Ryan, & thought I’d share this one exercise about #writing misconceptions. Interestingly, these can also apply to Tweeting, or even sharing the Gospel:

• Writing is only for when you have the time.

• Writing is for people who have something “interesting” to say.

• Writing is only for people w/beliefs & values that are “nice” & coincide w/the majority of people.

• You have to be very well educated (in very special schools) to be a writer.

• You should only be a writer if you have something EVERYONE wants to read. The NYT bestseller list should be your only goal.

#writing

Not a Fan of BookTok

 At least not currently. I use TikTok as a before-going-to-sleep thing, so I mainly just look at stuff that’s relevant to me as an internet consumer: Adam Driver stuff, Christian stuff, planners, drawing, creative writing stuff, and such. So I do a lot of ForYou page scrolling.

I don’t delve too deep into BookTok, because they read stuff I don’t really wanna read, too much contemporary fiction, which I mostly don’t like. I mostly like nonfiction, history, biographies of writers and other artists, actors, politicians and other famous people. Philosophy, feminism,  how to stuff.

I did manage to find one BookTok-er I like, Margo Harrison, who is an author and  vlogs about the old school YA from the 70s that I enjoyed as a kid–it seems like no one else is talking about that stuff, they’re all pimping stuff that just came out. Talk about making $$ for the publishing corporations, I’m sure they LOVE BookTok.

And there is apparently a deep dislike on BookTok for the classics, of course the old woke objections to Old Dead White Guys, but they overlook the fact that a lot of women and people of color were writing back in the day, a lot of gay people, and in so clinging to these objections they miss out on a lot of great stuff.

But there is a HUGE backlash against the classics on BookTok, to the point where anyone that suggests they read them is roundly attacked. What they’re getting wrong, in my opinion, is that clinging to current reads only can only serve the publishing industry,  which is a much bigger enemy to the rank and file reader than any other random BookTok-er will ever be.

I’ve been a fairly voracious reader since I learned how to read. When I was a child, I taught another child how to read, which was a great highlight of my childhood. I don’t have any college English credentials, but I was a professional bookseller for a few years.

Trip on BART

 I always enjoy taking BART. I live down in the BA Peninsula, which is no slouch when it comes to things to do and places to go and scenic surroundings while you're there, but sometimes there are events that take you a little further from home.

Always a bus trip to get there, me being a long time public transit person, I am pretty good at knowing how to catch a bus from anywhere to anywhere.

Get to the BART station, and you must start being aware of your surroundings. I once was almost pushed out of the turnstile by a fare-jumper. Unfortunately crime can occur any time, and it does seem to be getting worse. Choose where to stand and wait, choose your seat carefully, and once you're seated you pretty much don't need to worry about being bothered.

One thing I always try to remember is to carry cotton balls in an Altoids tin for my ears, because it can get loud on the train. Almost right away, you're going through a tunnel, and the trip is under way. The car darkens a bit, and you can see your reflection in the window. Now is the time to check your hair.

A good long train ride always gives you time to get a lot of reading/writing done, and I always make sure to bring something to read and a journal. This is so pleasant I often think how nice it would be to just spend all day going back and forth on the train. If I was rich that would be one thing I'd do.

Crazy Idea

 Here's a crazy idea: just stop with the Oscars already.

Stop with the pomp and pageantry, stop with the ridiculous outfits (looking at you, Timothy Chalamet) stop with the cheesy music numbers and just cancel the Oscars from ever happening again.

Instead just have a little stretch of red carpet, put Adam Driver in a tux and just have him walk up and down. For the guys you could get Jessica Chastain.

Have somebody that knows what they're doing greet them and ask them a few questions about their latest movies.

Then put them up on stage and have them each read the phone book for five minutes.

That's really all I can't take any more, please.

Once again, the World Wide Web…

 So, new things are going on with me in the whole learning WebDev thing.

What’s going at this juncture is that since I am slightly disabled, with a pending hip replacement surgery, wt I have to do is have an onramp to employment where I don’t have to be on my feet (I also had bunionectomies on both feet–everything all came down on me, mobilitywise, over the past two years.)

I use a walker, and I’m not supposed to put any weight on one of my feet, so I stay in my room, looking at Twitter, and movies and YouTube and Udemy. I go to doctor appointments a lot, averaging about one every 10 days. I was in the hospital for the whole second half of the year of 2019–which means I have basically been in lockdown for two years now, a full six months longer than the Covid lockdown. Some people have been able to go back to the world in the past few months, I still have a ways to go.

Which means I NEED to get work that is remote, and I’m thinking becoming a junior web developer is my ticket. I actually have a lot of experience with HTML4, using that years ago I was able to build a pretty sophisticated website, considering it was ONLY HTML4.

Over lockdown I have been brushing up and working on learning the new stuff. It’s to where I have been updating my current website. Go ahead and check it out.

So I was looking for more things to learn and what I need to learn to get really good at this stuff again, and found a couple of things to get involved in. Not gonna name names here, because this is where I sort of become a complainy-pants.

I think people that are getting ready to learn the more complex stuff can very easily get flummoxed, and this has to do with the way people think it should be taught. I was taking a beginner online course, and they started off with PYTHON! There is nothing beginner level about Python. Python is related to building games and analyzing data, neither of which thing is building websites. And that’s what I want to do, build websites. Not just any websites, but static websites that can also be responsive (don’t know if that’s possible, but both things interest me.)

I know that I have to learn more advanced HTML5, and CSS, and Javascript, amongst other things. I have a place that I’m at in my studying, and I want to get involved in discussions or groups, but I went to one tonight and first the code editor didn’t work, then I went to look in one of the forums, and a newbie’s question was being answered by advanced people who threw around terms like “JQuery”, and “C+” and “C++.” Nobody knows what those are, dude.

It’s tough, because if you don’t know what you want to learn about, you can get very easily confused, and I think a lot of people are in that stage. Also, if you aren’t sure how your own mind works regarding how you best learn, you can be really jacked around. And it’s not necessarily anyone’s fault, but this would be an explanation of why many give up on learning to code.

I’m not going to, though.

Interesting Realization

 I want to write the way great movie directors directed.

Stanley Kubrick: Maybe he made his actors run through 40 takes, but he got what he wanted on film.

Tarantino: Didn't have a lot of money, but got people to believe in his projects.

Hitchcock: Wasn't well liked, thought of as a weirdo, but made some compelling films.

Orson Welles: Not a favorite of Hollywood executives, but had a loyal stable of actors that wanted to work for him.