Listen, punk:

If you could go back and talk to yourself at age 16, what 5 things would you say?

1. Quit smokin' that damn dope!
2. Do your homework!
3. Kick that manipulatin' bitch you call a best friend to the curb, she will cost you more money, time, and tears than she is worth.
4. Ya know, boys are not really evil. You are gonna really like them someday. Get your nose out of the weird books once in a while and find one to talk to. No, screaming at Ian Gillian from the edge of the stage does not count.
5. Put the damn bong down, hippie!

They say I'm a cheap date...

So Mom and I are going out to luch on Saturday to celebrate my birthday. Where do I want to go? Subway.

I talked with my sis about it, then I emailed her:

By the way, Sis, I really love these pics of Jeff. Thanks.

Quiznos is a pretender to the Subway throne. Eat a meatball sammitch and be happy.

Love,
Your Sister, the Hermgirl