Friday, November 19, 2004

The Pathworking Class

Well, this was definitely worth the trip up to Berkeley. I am almost having a hard time writing this because of how much I have swirling in my head today.

This was a class held at the lovely Ancient Ways Bookstore. When I told them "I'm here for the Pathworking class," they said, "Congratulations!"

There weren't a lot of us, but everyone seemed like nice people. Without much ado, we got into it. Thankfully, I had come when they were just starting the series. There was an explanation of what pathworking was, and then a discussion of what path would be being worked.

In this case it was Malkuth to Yesod. Crowley's Book of Thoth was read from regarding the correspondences to this path. It was from the chapter, "The Small Cards", the section on the four tens and nines--snippets of which I quote here:

The Four Tens: "These cards are attributed to Malkuth. Here is the end of all energy; it is away from the 'formative world' altogether, where things are elastic. There is now no planetary attribution to consider. So far as the Sephirah is concerned, it is right down in the world of Assiah. By the mere fact of having devised four elements, the current has derogated from the original perfection. The Tens are a warning; see whither it leads--to take the first wrong step!"

The Four Nines: "These cards are attributed to Yesod. After the double excursion into misfortune, the current returns to the middle pillar. This Sephirah is the seat of the great crystallization of Energy. But it takes place very far down the Tree, at the apex of the third decending triangle, and a flat triangle at that. There is little help from low, unbalanced spheres like Netzach and Hod. What saves Yesod is the direct ray from Tiphareth; this Sephirah is in the direct line of succession. Each of these cards gives the full impact of the elemental force, but in its most material sense; that is, of the idea of the force, for Yesod is still in Yetzirah, the formative world. Zoroaster says: 'The number Nine is sacred, and attains to the summit of perfection.' Egypt, and Rome, also, had Nine Major Deities."

Then we were led on a guided visualization based on the Persephone myth, taken from the book, "The Shining Path", by Dolores Ashcroft-Nowicki. We started in the Temple of Malkuth and worked our way into the Underworld. There, we got to actually meet Persephone (who was quite beautiful.) At the end of it, I felt like our little band had been on a Hobbit adventure (with me playing the part of Gimli the Dwarf.)

After the pathworking visualization and dicussion was over, a separate thing happened. A woman did a reading from "The Vision and the Voice", which, as she explained, was a series of visions that resulted from magickal workings done by Aleister Crowley. Although the imagery was beautiful, this particular piece of AC's work is going to require a lot more study from me before I understand it.

At the end of the evening, there was much discussion and explanation by some of the more well-versed in the group, which I and another novice were quite thankful for.

So today, in the afterglow, I was feeling much more grounded than usual. I found myself taking more notice of what was going on around me: these kids getting off of school, that guy driving the truck, those houses going by as I rode on the bus--all are part of everything floating in the Malkuthian "soup".

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

"...and i will like to end my SEARCHING..."

I got this at Friendster today--the spelling has not been changed!

"with a greate pleasure and excitement it gives me

to write u this note of mine, well am graduate in
international relation,am from nigeria and dont
mind, having u as my friend out there if u dont
mind .................
and it took time to read everything
that u
wrote inside ur page,so i went through it and it
lovely wise saying compare to what i like
dont mind and am 36 yrs old.......... I really love
smile out there and
ur shape as well (uh, I posted a pic of Belle from Beauty & the Beast!) well,lady i will like u to holla me and tell me
u think about been ur friend down there
concening with what i read from ur page......i
evryrthing u wrote inseide, really goes
way i like and i will like to end my SEARCHING
if u
dont mind.
further,i work at the stock brokers, company so
the assitance to the MD.
so lady u as well as send me some off line
through my chating wchich is (name withheld to protect the innocent) u can
send me an off line msg so lady i will like to say
some thing that well make me happy
so bye 4 now and stay cool
(Name withheld to protect the innocent)

In other news: I will be attending a pathworking class tonight--will take notes and post her

Monday, November 08, 2004

My Goat Worshipping Love Cultist name is Sister Chupacabra!.
Take The Goat Worshipping Love Cultist Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Sister Chupacabra!

Sister Chupacabra! It must be said with an exclamation!

This reminds me of a really old movie with Ringo Starr in it where he was like a member of the Mexican Mafia or something, and there were these Mexican dominatrix women and I can't remember the name of the movie for the life of me but it was one of those weird movies that they used to show on USA network's "Night Flight" which was on during a really weird/stupid period of my life where I used to stay up all night on the weekends watching the weirdest tv shows I could find and actually smoking oregano and taking eight exedrin in a pathetic attempt to get high...

You think you've blown out all those particular brain cells and then your memory bank serves up something like this.

Card of the day: Queen of Cups--Sister Chupacabra! is a woman of tremendous intuition, capable of great depths of emotion and love. My minions, you will bow down and worship Sister Chupacabra! (Eyes aflame with Anna Magnani-esque passion.)

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Grab the nearest book.
Open the book to page 23.
Find the fifth sentence.
Post the text of the sentence in your journal...
...along with these instructions.

"She started screaming at the bridge where Uncle David's house was, and immediately Uncle David's wife, Lena, came out onto the bridge and answered in kind."

Sidney Poitier--This Life

Saturday Night Tarot Hoedown

Well, I'm a day late, (and LJ was in read-only mode for a while, so it's even later than that,) but I have some good stuff for you tonight, buddies.

We start with a new feature. It may not appear every week, but I will be combing the internet for good news stories featuring Tarot.

Tarot in the News: Tonight's top story reminds me of years ago when I was a very young Hermgirl. I had a best friend at the time (a now ex best friend) who had run up a tab with a fortune teller. I was asked (and being the naive, trusting, generous young'un that I was, I complied) to take my last 27 bucks out of the bank to help cover the debt.

This story also makes me think that if I ever do become a professional Tarot reader, I will never allow "tab running". I think that getting psychic readings is one of the kind of things people can be really spendthrift about--it would be unethical, I think, to contribute to someone's spending problem.

And, in keeping with the past week's political theme, I have come up with a new spread!

~The Political Spread~

This spread is good for situations in which you need to map out a strategy, either against an opponent, or if you are making some kind of deal with another person or group of people.

The numbers represent card positions, the positions marked with an X are just there for spacing purposes.

3 1 8 2 4
5 6

  1. Your advantages

  2. Their advantages

  3. Your disadvantages

  4. Their disadvantages

  5. Foundation of the situation

  6. Consensus of all concerned

  7. Spiritual/psychological energy surrounding the situation

  8. What you need to drive home for the "win"

I actually don't have that kind of a situation in my life this week, so I will just be doing a Joey Tribiani spread on myself:

  1. Seven of Cups--There are several possibilities before me. I must remain focused to choose wisely.

  2. Seven of Wands--Success and victory are mine for the taking! If I take courage and am determined, I will hold my own agaist any difficulties.

  3. Knight of Pentacles--Slow and steady wins the race. Not a lot going on here, but my patient nature lets me plod on methodically into good things.

  4. Queen of Wands--This stands for the charming, firey natured, passionate, woman of action that I want to be. If I follow the trail of the last three cards, this is what I am likely to become.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

What do the cards have to say this evening?

Card of the Day: Six of Pentacles--Business success, prosperity. Life is being generous to you.

I think this may have to do with the fact that I found a digital camera for a lot less money than I was originally going to pay. In other words, Sunfell, the Goddess Bargaina has smiled upon me.

Long and preachy, but oh well...

By the original poster's own admission, he was feeling full of vitriol this morning, and is a little more resigned now, but I felt his words were very appropriate, echoing the level of anger many of us are feeling, and I got permission to quote him here:

"So, congratulations, people of America. Now we know that gay people are so fucking terrifying that a misdirected preemptive war that engendered more terrorist activity than it eliminated, a president who makes jokes about missing WMDs while American soldiers and Iraqi civilians die, an attack on our civil liberties, and trillions in defecit are just dandy. Just so long as two men don't fall in love. Fucking rot."

And this is one of the saddest things of all. It means that guys like Pat Robertson did a damn fine job of promoting prejudice.

We seem to live in a country of lemmings. The majority of people rely on the media and celebrities for everything they do, from the way they wear their clothes, hair, and makeup, to the books they read (Oprah's book club, anyone?), to the candidates they support.

And while all of this is incredibly sad (I found myself having a good cry today) it does not mean we should give up the fight, or spew hatred at the USA and say you're going to leave the country and that everyone who still chooses to call themselves an American is stupid (I had to unfriend someone who was spewing extremely hateful junk like this today.)

Certainly, anger is the mood of the day, and we should all feel justified in letting off steam. Having said that, sometimes things don't go our way, even if we do get off our butts and work hard to try to change things for the better.

And when that happens, that's not the time to roll up into a fetal position, and say "Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!" like Cartman on South Park. That's the time you are supposed to dig in your heels, and commit yourself to continue working.

Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy.

Card of the day: Two of Wands--this is someone who has reached maturity. Someone who has the stick-to-it-iveness to push their dreams through into reality. Someone willing to look at the Big Picture. I believe today, of all days, is a day we are being asked by the Universe to be Two of Wands people.

As my spiritual guru, Aleister Crowley, says in The Book of Lies:

"Hunger thou, O man, for the infinite: be insatiable even for the finite; thus at The End shalt thou devour the finite, and become the infinite.
Be thou more greedy than the shark, more full of yearning than the wind among the pines.
The weary pilgrim struggles on; the satiated pilgrim stops.
The road winds uphill: all law, all nature must be overcome.
Do this by virtue of THAT in thyself before which law and nature are but shadows."

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Return of the Daily Card

Just sitting here listening to Air America on the Quake, thought this would be a good time to do a card of the day:

Judgement--Definitely in line with the idea of news being waited for, renewal, and a time of seeing the Big Picture, and one's role in the scheme of things.

Sorry, I don't think I can get the projected results for Ohio with the cards...

Monday, November 01, 2004

Happy Halloween

Well, happy Halloween everybody. I was surfing around and came across something very apropos. A special spread for today, and a demo in interpreting it, by way of doing a reading on myself.

~The Halloween Spread~

Well, as they say, tonight is the night when the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest. And it seems as though the spirits have definitely had their say here.

  1. Two of Wands--what I see here is that I am a person with a lot of dreams and plans--I am a woman with a vision. Now, how this becomes tricking others is I sometimes spend too long in dreamland. Of course, the ultimate trick (wouldn't this be a surprise to my folks) is that I actually have the power to make those dreams a reality.

  2. The Hierophant--I am definitely a spiritual animal. This being my soul card, it has a lot of significance. I believe in what I would call an "Inner Teacher." This is what I think of when I get this card. I believe that the spiritual learning I have done so far and will continue to do gives me a certain amount of authority to feel confident about what I know. How this can become tricking myself is when I sometimes am stubborn, set in my ways, and behave like a Dubya who can't admit when they're wrong.

  3. The Devil--The way I can treat others better is by examining my motivations. Am I being selfish and greedy? Of course, I sort of like being selfish and greedy, but, oh well.

  4. Seven of Wands--This makes me want to break out into that old church chorus--"Be bold, be strong, for the Lord thy God is with thee..." Anyway, I can best serve myself by being bold and courageous and suffering the slings and arrows because by doing so I will push through to the place I really want to be in life.

  5. The Magician--Last night or the night before I was watching the Matrix again on tv, I've decided that this film is one of my favorites in recent history. What this card reminds me of here is that moment where they are watching Neo fight with Agent Smith on the monitors and one guy says, "What's he doing?" and I think it's Morpheus that says, "He's starting to believe." This card represents that moment when you have to accept the mantle of your Powerful Imagination. Choose to rely on your intuition, your skills, be confident in the power of your Will. Know that anything is possible, for this world that we walk around in is nothing but the construct of the human mind.
So I will end by paraphrasing Neo:

"My name isn't Mr.'s HERMGIRL!"


Saturday, October 30, 2004

This entry was written yesterday, but it was so late, that I decided to wait til today to type it up.

After Curves yesterday I was getting a chicken sandwich at Jack in the Box, and I bumped into someone--someone I had been thinking about out of the blue last week, and I don't think I had even thought about him in years!

It was a guy I knew in fifth grade. He was almost nondescript, I could have easily not recognized him. I have met up again with a couple of people from back then, I almost never recognize them - but they always seem to recognize me. If I hadn't been thinking about him earlier last week, I probably wouldn't have thought to start looking at him.

Then we were both looking at each other from across the room. I moved up in line and I was near him.

"Is your name Martin?"
"Is your name Hermgirl?" (not really, but you know what I mean.)

I smiled and looked up at him, and asked him a question I had asked almost 30 years ago.

"Would you be interested in going steady?"

He laughed at this. Who knows what direction his life would have taken if he hadn't been impervious to my feminine wiles?

Anyways, this was an interesting bit of synchronicity. I had found a penny while I was walking one of the dogs yesterday, I always expect something interesting when that happens.

The Saturday Night Tarot Hoedown

(Not the kind of hoedown done by Ashley Simpson.)

Tonight I am curious about two things: My future as a Tarot reader, and my future in web design, so I will do a three card draw on each.

Drawing on my relationship with the Tarot:

King of Swords, Queen of Pentacles reversed, Strength.

I posess the intellectual ability to be very authoritative on the subject, although my downfall is materialism--the tendency to focus on things like collecting shiny new decks and books. The best path to take, my True Will in the situation, is to realize that this is part of the Great Work of self-transformation, and that it is best served by using the Tarot to go within to find my strength.

Drawing on my future in Web Design: the Lovers, Six of Pentacles reversed, Page of Cups reversed.

It is a great Gemini kind of communication device, but just like anything the Gemini gets their mitts on, it can be a bih time-waster. I don't have quite as much knowledge about it as I'd like to. And this last piece of interpretation I am deducting from the way the cards fell: Whenever you have, as I do here, a three card draw with two in a row either reversed or upright, this can tell you that "You will know more about the situation in the future."

So basically, (the Lovers) a good fun thing for a Gemini, (6 of Pentacles reversed) don't let it become a time-waster, (Page of Cups, reversed) you don't have too much knowledge about it yet, (2 reversed on right side) give it some time, you'll know more.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Shameless plug and bid for the opinion of all and sundry:

So here is a link to my Tarot page on my website: link. This is something I've been working on over the past week. I am no HTML expert, by any means, but I did do the code for that (admittedly simple) table myself.

I was wondering, if anyone would care to comment: I was told by someone that a shade of purple I was using on the left side made the text unreadable, so I went a skosh lighter here. Does anyone else find this unreadable?

I am planning to nest a table of one column in the green side as a menu of articles--which I have one of almost ready to go, and plans for another one in the near future, so there will be two there for a while, and it will grow from there.

Even as rudimentary as it looks, I feel extremely proud of this--I would enjoy others opinions on it.

Monday, October 25, 2004

SFBATS in my Belfry...

Hermworld Industries regrets not producing a Friday Night Tarot Hoedown this past week, as we wanted to make sure we got to bed early enough to be sure to get to the San Francisco Bay Area Tarot Symposium on time. The Hoedown will return this week.

I arrived on time on a rainy, windy, morning, the dreariness of the weather a counterpoint to all the fun that was about to be had. I noticed the people attending the event were a mix of ages and dress styles, and while being mostly women, there were quite a few men mixed in.

Pretty much the first thing I did when I got ther was get my shopping nailed down at all the vendors, so as to have plenty of time for schmoozing. They handed out lots of freebies, and what was purchased was gotten a good deal on, so the bank was not broken. Lady Nuit's admonishments were gladly heeded, as we do all things unto Her, and greatly is the Queen of the Night Sky to be praised.

The decks and books I got were these:
  • The Visconti-Sforza deck (won at a raffle)

  • Dorothy Simpson Krause's Millennium Tarot (a generous gift)

  • J. Philip Thomas' Tarot de Paris (classically beautiful)

  • Liber T (sort of a "Thoth clone" with strange "sci-fi" sort of pictures on the pips)

  • The Universal Tarot (A Waite clone)

  • Tarot and Astrology by Muriel Bruce Hasbrouck

  • Llewellyn's 2005 Tarot Reader (which I got autographed by Mary K. Greer and Thalassa)

  • The Book of Formation, or Sephir Yetzirah, translated by Knut Stenring

  • Tarot and the Magus, by Paul Hughes-Barlow

  • New Dimensions for the Cube of Space, by David Allen Hulse (which I got at a Bookmarket I saw on the way back to BART)

I was then greeted by Joseph Earnest Martin, creator of the Quest Tarot (and apparently, in some circles known of as "Lord of the Margarita Salt Flats", whatever that means.<%P) I schmoozed with him, Thalassa, and some other symposium goers, and then was happy to connect with a friend.

Then it was time for the speakers. Joseph Martin kicked off the conference, speaking on "Tarot Taboo--Breaking Tradition with the Cards" and of course, almost the first words out of his mouth were about love: "The more you feel love and compassion and having fun, the better!" This is a guy who oozes love and warmth from every pore. Anytime you mention compassion, my ears prick up, for some reason I really love that word.

His talk revolved around breaking out of the box of tradition that some have attached to the Tarot, which he illustrated with some acts of "scientific" prestidigitation, as well as donning an apparatus that had digitized text that moved from right to left (sort of like those messages on buildings in NYC)that said, "Everybody loves a Psychic BOY!!!"

Then Mary K Greer gave a talk. Being a person who loves fabric--I worked for three years in a fabric store--I couldn't help but admire the beautiful orange and green chiffon dress she wore. She spoke on the theme running through the Minor Arcana of the Rider Waite Smith deck, which, as she explained, were based upon the grail legends.

Her in-depth research of the complete works of A.E. Waite was evident as she waxed eloquent, punctuating her scholarly discourse with mystical wisdom, giving me to understand that Waite was not as stodgy and unspiritual as I had previously come to believe.

Then it was lunchtime, and I hung out with my friend. She very generously presented me with a Tarot deck. I'm going to have to think of a way of reciprocating.

Anywho, we barely had enough time to grab some fries at Mel's Diner and rush back to the Unitarian Church. Where it was time for a slide show given by
Holly Voley, who presented "A Field Guide to the Rider Waite Smith Tarot Deck." This was a deck collector's dream, showing the many different editions of the Waite deck. This could have given Stuart R. Kaplan a run for his money.

Then my friend and I helped J.P. Thomas set up a labyrinth in one of the rooms for a presentation called "Tarota" in which the querent is shuffled and the cards are drawn from a bucket. I walked the labyrinth and found it quite interesting. For helping, he gave me a beautiful art print which I later discovered was "Alchemy" a Tarot de Paris card that corresponds to Temperance.

Thalassa, the Mistress of Ceremonies, gave a talk entitled "Tarot: All Terrain Vehicle of the Soul" in which we learned that it's a metaphysical floor wax AND dessert topping! In her weird and wonderful way, she talked about how Tarot figured in the timeline of history, and about how the Universe is always communicating with us, and the Tarot is a great tool to help us listen.

Then the proceedings were almost over, but not before Thalassa re-emerged garbed in purple--purple wig, purple robe, etc. There was much hurling of Mardi Gras beads, and a raffle, a special bat dance, some more schmoozing, and then it was over. There were a lot more speakers and presenters, but many were running concurrently in different rooms, so I only got to comment on the ones I saw.

Much fun was had, some things were learned and discussed, goodies were gotten, friendships cemented, and my relationship with the Tarot as a tool was revivified. I really enjoyed being with this group of people.

Monday, October 18, 2004

And what better antidote for a boring Monday...

...than a little verse from Uncle Al


I am assured that every man is God
Because the simplest-minded, dullest youth
Witless and ignorant, a stock, a clod,
Has perfect understanding of Pure Truth.

Innate, exact, identical with mine,
Though all in vain Philosophy has sweated
That simplest concept even to define
Humanity is certainly indebted.

To intellect for divers useful arts;
But when it comes to any serious odds,
Our brains play second fiddle to our hearts--
Damned lucky that we happen to be Gods!

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Friday (Middle of the)Night Tarot Hoedown

Due to the stress of the past week, I had to put a moratorium on the daily card reading, it will be returning next week.

I am going to the SFBATS festival. Will take copious notes and review the event for you all.

Tonights offering, in fact, comes from the Daughters of Divination website--an organization I am really thinking of joining because they seem to have a lot of cool Tarot events planned. That seems to be the only way I will have of meeting any local Tarot people and getting more practice face to face.

I have despaired of the Tarot Meetup group in my area--it seems that 5 people joined and promptly forgot their membership. At one point, to drum up local interest, a couple of years ago I even started a yahoo group which I advertised on Craig's List, once again to no avail. There were 3 active members, we had one meeting in a local library, which basically consisted of me giving one member a reading, and the other member not being able to find us as she searched the library. Meanwhile, we got thrown out of the library for talking. About eight months ago, after no activity on the yahoo group, on the Meetup message board, someone claimed that MY yahoo group was THEIRS--the hubris! So of course, I shut it down.

Anyway, to the reading:

~The Psychic Polaroid Spread~

  1. Wheel of Fortune, reversed: Well, things have been topsy-turvy lately. We've had a little bad luck.

  2. Page of Swords: My ability to just observe and take things in is coming in handy. Since this is Swords it kind of reminds me of the Watchers on the Highlander--" observe and record, but never interfere..."

  3. The Chariot: An interesting callback to the wheel theme. I am going to forge ahead, rolling on my big wheels with a fire in my belly, taking what I've learned and running with it.

  4. Six of Pentacles: Interestingly, I had done a spread before this one in which this came up, but it was reversed, as were most of the cards in the draw, didn't like it, so I scrapped it and did another. I can be a very generous person, and sometimes a little spendthrift, I think this is a warning not to go overboard with the $$$.

  5. Three of Cups: Might these young ladies be dancing in a wheel? Much rejoicing, happiness and fulfilment. Don't forget to have fun!

  6. Four of Wands: This one also showed up in the prior spread--I had thoroughly shuffled, so this is a message that things will be ok. There will be peace in the valley, by and by.
Summary: So there's been misfortune, if I keep my head about me while others are losing theirs, etc. Things may be swirling around me, but if I keep dancin' and don't be afraid to step out and take the driver's seat in my life, there will be harmony. And don't spend too much money on books at that festival, young lady!

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

"Our master, the Devil, prospers the revel..."

It's Crowleymass!!!

And in honor of the Great Beast, Aleister Crowley, 666, the closest thing I have to a spiritual guru, I offer the link to one of his most beautiful poems.

Not for the faint of heart or people of narrow sensiblities...

Monday, October 11, 2004

So, this morning, I got up at seven am, not grudgingly, without even being asked, so that I could help my mom move some stuff to her new apartment. I guess I half expected to be patted on the head and told what a good daughter I was (It's kind of a mistake to expect a good guy badge for certain things), and she did seem happy that I was there.

But later on my sister got there and was also helping, and after that the three of us went to lunch, and my mom made a point of telling me I was very smelly. I'm sorry, but I had just spent all morning lifting heavy boxes, having mom be sharp with me here and there throughout the day, if I sweated a little, I'm sorry. My sister gets there, does about half of what I did, and my mom is sweet and deferential towards her. Not that I expect her to kiss my ass, but I don't think she realizes how mean and nasty she is to me. After we got home she was even more cutting and insulting.

Part of this I know is just the whole tension of the experience of having to leave, and me having tension about her leaving. I want this to be over so we can all move on with our lives. In a weird way, she is acting as though she is going to continue to have control over everything in our house (granted, STILL half her house even though she is moving) from her apartment 8 miles away.

Her attitude towards me is as cold and denigrative sometimes as it is towards my dad, who is on the hook for things he did and said before I was even born. I feel like she looks at us both as complete slobs who will just bury ourselves in our own shit without her stabilizing influence.

I also think that four months or so down the line (she had mentioned something today about being on a six month lease, so how permanent her residency is questionable), she will come to my dad and say "If you clean things up, I will come home." But part of the reason he's not throwing a hissycow over this is because she's done this before, and she spent 3 months in an apartment, and according to him, she was running out of money and begged him to come home (it may not have gone down exactly like this.) He will have been looking at the fact that this is a $1000+ a month drain on the finances, even if it is her money that she worked for, and he may not see her coming home this time as the glittering prize for being a good boy. Not that he's pure as the driven snow.

Basically, I am just venting steam here, because having said all of these things, I really love them both and we get along well most of the time. I am just sort of caught in the middle, wanting to keep things smoothed over so that there is as little drama over this as possible. I've been trying to reinforce the positives of the situation to each of them, I guess because when they get frustrated with things, they tend to take their anger out on me.

One of the interesting things about my mom, my sister and me is how we can be at each other's throats one minute, and a few minutes later be picking apart the faults and pecadillos of some other (not present) family member. The saving grace of our family is we sort of all have the ability to communicate, even though they all make me feel like pulling my hair out at times.

Card of the Day: The Empress. The waters from behind the High Priestess flow freely behind her. There is a wisdom here that is higher than my wisdom. The mystery of the Great Mother, of the All-Nurturing Energy, is something I need to lay hold of. I think of Sigourney Weaver in the first Alien movie, talking to the ship's computer(which was named Mother), saying "Mother, you BITCH!!!" But the ship's computer doesn't reply, it just keeps counting off. One must continue to learn, even in the face of conflict. The character of Ripley goes on to become the strong mother figure, protecting and defending the innocent ones she loves. The mother ship destroyed, it is as if she takes it into herself, suceeding in its mission--to persevere and survive, even as she rebels against its own self destruction. It is that alchemical communion of dividing and uniting that seems to allow the transformation to take place.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Early Saturday Morning Tarot Hoedown

In this episode, I have a special offering for you, a spread I made up.

The Joey Tribiani "How you doin'?" Spread

It consists of four cards, put 'em side by side, or in a square if you want, it matters not (but if you just put them in a row, you could add a card or two underneath each position to clarify the issue!)

Imagine these questions in a Joey Tribiani/Vinnie Barbarino voice--this is a very important part because it adds to the fun:
  1. What's goin' on? What's been going on in the past.

  2. Wheah you at? Where you are today.

  3. WhatCHOO lookin' at? The issues you are facing.

  4. Wheah you goin'? Probable outcome on the road you are traveling down--this is a changable thing, not a locked in destiny.
And my cards in this spread: 10 of Cups, 2 of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles, and 8 of Swords.

What I see here is that in the past there has been famial harmony, which is going to be transforming into something else. Where I am is that I am going to be learning an intricate balancing act of discipline--I am going to be keeping things together. What I am facing--once again my mom's issue is at the forefront and she is there in all her Capricornian glory. Probable outcome: I may find myself a little fearful about breaching the tension in the houshold in the coming weeks, but I will overcome by being bold.

The Pentacles represent the issue of me becoming more resposible materially--to be honest, I have relied on my mom for a lot, and this is going to be me learning to take care of things for myself a lot. Discipline, discipline, discipline...

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Card of the Day: Ace of Swords

Behold Excalibur!!! I AM the rightful King of England!

But seriously, this signifies that in this time of family transition, I am going to find that sword in the stone. My intuition, intelligence, and wherewithal are going to be coming to the fore in this experience. I am being given an opportunity to learn about my greatness (!!! I know) and my True Will.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

My mom came home from work today with a bunch of moving boxes. She is leaving Dad and me this week, going to live in her own apartment. She had hinted around that she might do this but I didn't think it would be so soon.

She has been very unhappy living here, in many ways our house is not a very good place to live. You see, my dad is a very bad pack-rat.

Our kitchen is practically unusable--only one person can be cooking or doing anything like that at one time, and forget about having guests over, because the kitchen table is buried underneath stuff. We can't go into the garage anymore to wash clothes, we have to have dad go out there and do it for us.

Our back yard is better than it has been, but that is only because a couple of years ago some neighbors called the city and the city got on my dad's ass.

So I don't blame my mom one bit. And I love my parents very much, and in many ways we get along very well together, but they definitely have their problems. When my mom told me I just said well, I just want you to be happy no matter what you do.

Having said all of this, I also feel like a heavy weight is being lifted off my shoulders. You see, my mom has often taken her anger at my dad out on me. She is a controlling Capricorn, he is a Gemini, like me, (this is a BAD romantic combination, folks!) and I don't think they've gone a day of my life without having at least a minor argument.

I talked to my dad about it, and I said, "It's gonna be ok, Pop, just you and me, we'll be fine."

I am going to miss her, but I am not going to miss the controlling, energy-sucking (she's a bit of a psychic vampire) thing she does.

So, I did a five-card draw on the situation: Queen of Pentacles (the Capricorn Queen shows up!), Justice, 9 of Cups, King of Pentacles, and 5 of Wands, reversed.

So basically, she's seeking balance and happiness, and taking decisive action. I feel like the 9 of Cups means that she will find this (whenever I see 9 of Cups in a reading, I say you'll get your wish.) 5 of Wands reversed--there will definitely be more arguing before this is over. But basically, I think things will be fine.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Some silly shit I posted at a Tarot group a few years ago

And with that opening (cut for me by the gracious founder), allow me to parry my sword through and introduce myself (Cyrano deBergerac-style bow.) I am Hermgirl,Queen of the Throne that lies between the Emerald Pillars. To translate my flowery parlance that means I am a worshipper at the "herm" of Dionysis (sp?),seeker of the knowlege that comes from experience. Jack of all trades, master of none. I am here to make new

I have been doing Tarot off and on for about 10 years now, & I take a sort of casual approach to the cards. I am not as conversant as I see many of you are in the pagan arts & sciences (i.e.--knowledge of Arthurian legend, phases of the moon, crystals, etc.), but I do hope to learn & hopefully share what knowlege as I may have with others. I have more of a consciousness bent than a wiccanism bent--but that is only because I have so much more to learn.

My card having
been drawn today (Queen of Swords), I wanted to pose a question to the
members: Do you use music when you read & if so, do you ever just listen to the radio? What popular music (if any) do you find most conducive?
Yesterday I was reading W/the radio on, & found some very interesting correspondences. My card of the day was Death, whilst Sting's
"Brand New Day" was in the background. Interesting. Then I did a spread :The Hanged Man, the Sun, the World(R).

This I interpreted this as the sacrifices I have been making in balancing school& work,my struggle for enlightenment amid such a hectic sched, & alas it hasn't been going as well as I want it to lately. I pull another card--the Moon.

Aha! I take the World & turn it rightside up. I move the four cards around as the Santana/Everlast song "Put Your Lights On" comes on. The juxtapositions of the sacrifice & the great reward, & the light & the darkness make a trippy vibes & the music all comes together for me creating the Tarot "high" that I need, until I say blessed are those who have walked in darkness, for they have seen a great light!

I realize I am being extremely long-winded here, but I was just wondering if other members had those kind of experiences with their cards? I thank everyone for enduring my verbosity, and I do hope I can contribute as I am contributed towards.

Friday Night Tarot Hoedown!!!

YeeHaw! Pardners, saddle up for more Tarot goodness!

Today, the method of reading I will be using comes from the Complete Tarot Kit, which I got recently. It has a manual and journal written by Susan Levitt, and two miniature decks, a Rider Waite and a Thoth, which, while being very cute, are so small they are unshuffleable. I will have to learn the push/put method or something.

The book and journal that come with the kit, however, are indeed quite well done. She manages to interpret the Waite and Crowley decks, side by side, in a beginner sort of way without doing injustice to either.

Here is the reading I did tonight, using the method of interpretation set up in the journal.

The three card Body~Mind~Spirit spread.

Body: 7 of Pentacles
: 8 of Wands
: The Magician
Major, minor, ace or court: the Magician
Suits represented
: Pents, Wands
What is your intuitive sense about the cards?
Planting seeds, watching them grow, thoughts traveling--ending in magickal power and skill.
Divinatory meanings from the book
: Delayed sucess, swiftness, and magickal strength.
YOUR divinatory meanings
: Physically, I have planted seeds for my goals to come to fruition. Mentally, my mind is in perpetual motion, the swift trajectory of my ideas. Spiritually, I have power to do great magick.
How do the cards apply?
Well, I am watching Excalibur, so I feel kind of Merlinesque.---8:o)
What else do you see?
The 7 of Pents is like, planting seeds, with growing wands, and the garden in the Magician card--it's like preparation, action, and completion.

Basically, the questions in bold are the things you should consider in their order to interpret a spread.

And tonight's five card draw: The Devil reversed, Ace of Wands, 9 of Pentacles, Death, 3 of Cups, reversed. Here, there is an offering of new beginnings and more wisdom. But I must allow old things to die and not fuck around, like by staying up all night.

Friday, October 01, 2004

Pearl Jam on Letterman

Ok, am I the only one that thinks that Pearl Jam are the most UN Rock & Roll band that ever was? I have held this opinion for quite some time, but tonight's offering was odiously symptomatic of the absolute contrivedness of this band.

Eddie Vedder just makes me sick, but what is up with Mike MaCready? His hair looks like he is TRYING to look like Woody Guthrie or Levon Helm. Grunge is OVER you guys, give it a rest, already. Am I saying that Woodie Guthrie or Levon Helm are uncool? No, they are legends. They also didn't have stylists that told them how to dress.

Enough about them. I think they should make Anna Gasteyer the permanent host of the Late Late Show. And I love Crosby and Nash.

Card of the Day: 5 of Pentacles, reversed. A new approach to old problems and time to start over and look at things in a new way. The people on this card are really starting from square one, if you think about it.
Dubya by Karen_Walker
Who'd make a better President than Bush?
Here's Your Pic!
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Monday, September 27, 2004

17 more LOW CARB alternatives





Brie cheese

Quail eggs

Mustard smoothie

¼ teaspoon of Ben & Jerry’s

Beef jerky on a bed of organic greens

Vanilla extract on the rocks

Wax lips

Maisy the Mouse

Folding chair


½ pound box of pasta (box itself)

Little House on the Prairie reruns

Will Ferrell

From: Brain Lint, by Amy Krouse Rosenthal –in Curves Magazine

And the Card of the Day is: 9 of Swords, reversed—I have got to stop staying up all night! Seriously.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

So much for a card a day every SINGLE day...

So I pulled a card last night and it was Justice, reversed. And I said, "OK, why?" and pulled two more cards, which were 3 of Cups, reversed, and 6 of Swords. What I got out of that was that I was in for some discord due to my selfishness and superficiality, but that I would eventually overcome this. Sometimes the cards really kick my ass. They tell me what an undisciplined slob I am.

I've also decided to add a Friday night special deal (or, as in this case, early Saturday morning.) I will do a 5-card reading to review my week, whether I need it or not. I'll call it: Friday Night Tarot Hoedown! (RuPaul voice) And believe me, honey, I will put the Ho in Hoedown.

Cards of the Week: The Devil reversed, 10 of Cups, 2 of Swords, 7 of Pentacles, 10 of Swords.

What I get from this is that my intellect will win out over my superficiality, and the winning theme from earlier this week will come into play. I am finding balance, but I also have a choice: to remember not to halt the momentum of the good things I've been doing lately, or fall to ruin. There is nowhere to go but up.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Well, I have decided to go to Curves. In a couple months I am going to be buff like Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2, and my mom is paying for it. Yay!

I start tomorrow, and I feel like I am coming down with a cold--unyay, but I am going no matter how stuffy I get. I'll take some chewable echinacea tablets I got at Trader Joe's. Plus another thing I do for colds is I gargle with anticeptic mouthwash--it works better than cough drops for me. I know this is extremely good reading for all of you out there. Although, one of the things I notice is whenever I start something new like this or a job that I am excited about, I have a tendency to come down with a cold at the beginning.

And the card of the day is: Nine of Swords, reversed. Okay, so I'm kinda getting sick, but if I pushed through it, I will gain a lot more energy and health.

This just in: Cat Stevens, on the National Terrorist Watch List. Get on the Peace Train, people.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

"He who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man."

Dr. Johnson--Epigraph for the movie, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"

Well, tonight was a nice little party at one of my client's. Nothing to really write about, so I won't. I hardly know most of these people, but they seem to accept me readily. All very suburban.

And the card of the day (drawn as my Lord Satan, in the form of Benicio Del Toro, holds court on tv)is: Knight of Pentacles. My basic responsibleness makes a good impression on these people. Things are going well.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

When I was walking Sunny in the park today this teenage girl came down to me from the bleachers--there is a group of teenage kids I call the 420 Crew, because I know they are smoking the Chronic all over the place. I started this whole "acting like the class clown" thing with them, because before they really shot a lot of hostility at me, and it diffused it very quickly. I just wanted to be able to walk near my house without getting dissed. So I started walking by, rubbing my nose like it was running and yelling, "Lucius, where's my heroin?" Now they love me...I don't know which is worse.

So this girl comes down from the bleachers, and she's obviously high. She walks around looking all goofy and says "Ohmygod, I am so high, I am freaking out!" I asked her what she took, how much, etc. I kind of like joking with the kids, but I feel really guilty about it.

I sort of don't even really want to interact with them, but one of the problems I have is that I look like I am still a teenager. Most 38 year old women would see that as a great thing, sometimes it is not so great. When you look like one of them, they think you are, and they wonder why you're not hanging out with them, or whatever.

Enough about that. After I walked Eli, I was shutting him into the gated area on the side of his house, and he sort of motioned to me as if to say "Come see what I got back here!" (yeah, dogs talk to me telepathically, didn't you know that?) I followed him to the back yard, and his owners have not only a very nice pool, but an adjoining hot tub/wading pool thingy, which Eli promptly jumped into. It was funny just watching this big Husky walk around in a wading pool.

And the card of the day is: Judgement--is it time to wake up and smell the coffee? I mean that in a good way, so maybe there is an opportunity for something that I need to open up to. Hmmm...

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

The other day I had a weird dream, nothing long and involved, just some old people walking around the periphery of my house. They were giggling and it was kind of scary and menacing in a weird way--but maybe that was because I rarely remember my dreams.

I have been feeling like a loser lately, but not today, because, it's official, I now have a fourth dog-walking client, a Siberian Husky by the name of Eli. So there's another sixty bucks a month in my pocket.

I walked him today and he is very well behaved--his owners had taken him to obedience training. The only thing that marred my dog-walking experience was the fact that there had been a fire somewhere near the place where I walk near the end of the day, which made it very hard to breathe.

And the Card of the Day is: 10 of Cups. It's all good!

Sunday, September 12, 2004

So, What's Been Going on with Me, Then?

I haven't posted in a while because I was embarrassed.

That college philosophy class that I was so exited about fell through, due to my own failure to plan. I spent all day there, going for academic counseling, etc, only to have them tell me I didn't even need to do all of that re-matriculation stuff.

I was thinking how great it was that I would be taking a telecourse and I wouldn't have to go down to San Mateo all the time (San Mateo is sweltering most of the year.) I had stupidly assumed that since it was a telecourse I could just show up and register, no problem, right? Wrong.

The class had been full for five weeks. How does a distance learning class get full? I noticed there were only two or three of us that wanted to add, would it have been so hard to let us in? But enough whining.

It has also occurred to me, over the past couple of weeks, that while I have started this Tarot Blog Ring, I have precious little in the way of Tarot content on my own blog. I'm gonna attempt to remedy that right here and now. I am gonna start by posting a daily one-card reading--not so much a prediction, as a kind of snapshot of what's going on at the time.

This was a reading I did on the 23rd of last month, regarding school:

Knight of Swords/the Moon/the Emperor, reversed--the way I interpreted this was: going off half-cocked, self deception, ill dignified authority, no fathering, rootlessness, baselessness.
What I told myself was this: Get with the program, girl, any program!
The Emperor reversed/Father connection was fleshed out a few days later, when I was talking to my parents about going to college and he went "You're going back to SCHOOL?" I said yeah and he made a little harumphing noise. He's real supportive that way.
Basically the cards were telling me I was fooling myself if I thought I was gonna be successful without planning ahead. Sometimes the cards kick my ass.
Anywho, starting tomorrow I may have a new dog-walking client. I have a trial run with a Samoyed that lives across the street from the little schnauzer.
And our daily one-card reading says: Page of Swords, reversed. Well I just suck, that's all.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Friday night musings (on Saturday morning)

Some interesting coincidences have been happening the past few days.

First I was out walking the dog, and I started thinking about my friend (former lj friend) , for no reason (and he hasn't posted in ages) and I decided that when I got home from the walk I would check my friends page and I would see a post by him and what do you know...

Then I was walking the dog on a day when I had decided to go to Michael's afterward and get some yarn, and what did I see while I was out walking the dog? A woman knitting. People don't knit in public a lot where I live. I went up and talked to her about it. Then later when I was at Michael's I was looking in the yarn section and I met someone who is on LJ in the crochet community.

Just some interesting synchronicity.

"Of course, when the sunrise comes, people don't usually shoot back at it."--Lewis Black

This was an interesting read.

Now, I have no intention of hating on Muslims or being racist against Middle Eastern people whatsoever, but there is this from the Book of the Law, from the chapter on the god of War and of Vengeance:

"I am in a secret fourfold word, the blasphemy against all gods of men.
Curse them! Curse them! Curse them!
With my Hawk's head I peck at the eyes of Jesus as he hangs upon the cross.
I flap my wings in the face of Mohammed and blind him.
With my claws I tear out the flesh of the Indian and the Buddhist, Mongol and Din.
Bahlasti! Ompedha! I spit on your crapulous creeds!"

BOTL, 3:49-54

What really got me thinking was this bit from the article (and here is where I'm gonna start talking about how it's the little things that fuck you up, not the big glaring things.):

"Secularists are Muslims who do not have a knowledge of the contents of the Koran and only know a verse or two to justify enjoying their life such as 'Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world.' These should be cursed right along with the others."

This rang a bell with me because my family (who wouldn't be caught dead in church) is very proud of telling people they live by the "Golden Rule" and that's good enough for them.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Now, my parents are the kind of people who treat everyone as fairly and as kindly as they know how in their day to day lives, and are often disappointed by the fact that others don't often do the same. It seems as though they save all their rage for each other (and sometimes me, but that's a whole nother issue.)

Anywho, the Golden Rule is from Matthew 7, which (like most of the bible) is promise-based injunctions, sort of "don't do this, or this will happen, do this, and this will happen."

What I wonder is, does living according to a promise-based platitude from a crapulous creed actually place someone under a curse? I don't necessarily mean a "curse" as in someone putting a hex on you, but is there a spiritual imprint that is left?

Getting back to the Muslims, the ideas in this article would explain the recent things I've been hearing about how the militant Muslims have been occupying mosques and stocking them with guns...

Just something to think about. In no way is this meant to encourage anyone to stop hating Bush by the way...

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Nuthin' Matters & What If It Did?

Nihilist Bear
Nihilist Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I got this one before. The word "nihil" means "nothing".

"For I am perfect, being Not..." Liber Al, 2:15

Monday, August 16, 2004

Fook yeah!

True Metalhead
You are a True Metalhead. You dig the
classic music and the classic lifestyle. As
metalheads go, you're pretty open-minded in
terms of music and lyrics; if it rocks, then
you'll listen to it. Concerts are the pinnacle
of the metal experience, though sometimes they
get a little too crazy. You generally respect
everybody else, but as far as you're concerned,
they all wish they were Priest or Maiden.

What Kind of Metalhead Are You?
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Up the Irons!!! \m/

Saturday, August 14, 2004

"Now ye shall know that the chosen priest and apostle of infinite space is the prince-priest, the Beast; and in his woman called the Scarlet Woman is all power given. They shall bring the glory of the stars into the hearts of men."

Aleister Crowley--The Book of the Law, 1:15

I just found out that the twelfth was the Feast of the Beast and His Bride. Happy belated Feast Day, here's wishing you blessings that bring the glory of the stars into your hearts.

Friday, August 13, 2004

The Hierophant Card
You are the the Hierophant card. The Hierophant,
called The Pope in some decks, is the preserver
of cultural traditions. After entering The
Emperor's society, The Hierophant teaches us
its wisdom. The Hierophant learns and teaches
our cultural traditions. The discoveries our
ancestors have made influence the present.
Without forces such as The Hierophant who are
able to interpret and communicate traditional
lore, each generation would have to begin to
learn anew. As a force that is concentrated on
our past and our culture, The Hierophant can
sometimes be stubborn and set in his ways. This
is a negative trait he shares with his zodiac
sign, Taurus. But like Taurus he is productive.
His traditional lore can provide a source of
inspiration for the creatively inclined, and
his knowledge provides an excellent foundation
for those who come into their own in the
business world. Image from: Morgan E.

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Interesting. I've gotten this as a life card according to some book somewhere. I have a very strong Inner Teacher (of course, I don't always listen to it, shame on me!) which also means I have a love of learning at the same time.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Digging Up Ghosts

"All writing of the narrative kind, and perhaps all writing, is motivated, deep down, by a fear of and a fascination with mortality--by a desire to make the risky trip to the Underworld and to bring something or someone back from the dead."

Margaret Atwood--Negotiating With the Dead: A Writer on Writing

So last night I'm sitting in Wendy's having dinner, reading an interview with Margaret Atwood in Writer's Digest. All of a sudden it occurs to me, this Wendy's is situated on the spot where once was an A & W. The very same A & W where, over 20 years ago, I used to sit and hang out with a friend who once told me she might be related to Margaret Atwood. A friendship long dead.

I started having an imaginary conversation with the friend's "ghost":

"I wonder what it's like being a published author. You know, that would be the pinnacle of success for me--to be a published author and have my book made into a movie like Margaret Atwood or Stephen King."

"What would you write about?"

"I'd write about us. About growing up during the 70s and 80s, hanging out in coffee shops and fast food places. It would be like an 80s version of 'Grease'."

"Somebody already made that movie--"Fast Times at Ridgemont High'."

"Yeah, but the trouble with 'Ridgmont' is it was done pretty much as it was happening. The beauty of movies like 'Grease' and 'American Grafitti' is that they are filtered through the perspective of 20 - 30 years later--they had nostalgia going for them."

Then I started thinking, what with the internet and the 80s being trotted out as a fad every two years, do we have the ability to be nostalgic about things in that way any more?

Friday, August 06, 2004

This is my lullabye tonight


And to think that he was listening to the artist he covers here, round about the time I was spending all my money at the Record exchange in Burlingame, listening to this same artist and dreaming of someone just like him. (sigh.)

He definitely has someone in mind here, I heard somewhere he was getting married. Probably to someone who never heard these songs in their short life.

That's ok, Dave, we'll always have the time I said "Woohoo Dave!" and you said "Woohoo YOURSELF!" It was love, you know it.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Musical Meanderings

It occurs to me that I have not sufficiently pimped my Launchcast Radio Station.

For people like me who don't feel much like bothering with Napster or Kazaah, the principle is simple: you sign up, program in your musical preferences, they play you stuff, and you sort of vote for the music you like the best by rating the song, artist, and genre. It plays further music based on how you vote.

Oddly enough, my station as it stands now doesn't play enough Counting Crows and is a little top-heavy in the metal department (of course, who doesn't like a little Pantera now and again?) but perhaps the more I work with it this will rectify itself. That would be my only complaint--that you need to get the paid version in order to get different "moods" programmed in so you could listen according to what you felt like at the time.

Another interesting discovery in online music that I've made is that Bruce Dickinson has a radio program, and has made himself over to the point where he looks and sounds every bit as one would imagine those BBC radio personalities do. Not altogether unobjectionable, as one of them might say.

I found out about this through Rocksnobs, which is a blog my inner High School Senior would love to have written. Of course, they didn't have the internet back then...

For the past couple of days my parents have been gone, visiting my brother (the one I like , the gay one) in Chicago. They will be back on Tuesday. I proceded to spend the first night to myself staying up til 8 am. Then I had to get started on my plans for my few days alone.

I like to spend time cleaning my room when my parents are gone. It sometimes involves throwing things out, and moving some of my junk into another room while I vacuum, dust, throw shit away, and move stuff around.

Anyway, the first order of business was to get some storage units. Not just any storage units, but bookshelves for the many books that are littering my floor. What this meant, was that I had to get some milk crates. I waited til about midnight to go get some. Not being sure how the stores feel when you go and take their milk crates, I like to do it on the sly.

So I got my expandable luggage cart, and set out for the Baskin & Robbins at the local strip mall where I had been able to gank some before. Of course this time there weren't any.

I looked up at the end of the strip, at the Mollie Stone's, I heard some music and voices coming from there. I assumed it was the people who worked there, winding up for the night. Actually, it was a bunch of kids playing cards at a table in front of the store. The kind of kids that sit around at Starbucks drinking coffee until the place closes, then they're so hyped up on caffiene they can't go home and go to sleep, so they go somewhere else and sit around. You could call them "coffee shop kids", they seem to have a culture all their own.

It was strangely peaceful there, at the end of the mall in the middle of the night, kids with pink hair and glasses playing cards at a table, at the other end of the tables sat an affable looking security guy. It was one of those weird quiet moments that I like about the middle of the night. I occasionally find myself out and about in the middle of the night, and this night's somnambulent errands made me feel a little weird.

I asked if they had any idea which store I was most likely to find some crates, they suggested I look behind Longs. I did and found the mother lode. I wished I had a truck and a house of my own to bring a bunch of junk to, because I could have built my own furniture with some of the crap I found back there. I know one day I will be a serious dumpster diver.

I got six crates, stacked them up and lashed them to my luggage cart. I made my way home, pushing my cart through the middle of the street.

I am such a weirdo.

Monday, July 26, 2004

I tried a new way of meditating today. While I was out with the dog, I was sitting in my favorite spot, a little berm in a corner of the park with some trees.

When I walked into the park, I had seen an orange-robed Buddhist monk walking, a reminder to seek for the inner peace within. As I sat down in my corner, I had a little daydream: I was following the monk, thinking "Show me the Tao of my purpose in life, the path of my True Will."

Then I thought about the idea of doing a Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram in the astral--something I've heard about, but I'm not quite sure if I am a strong enough meditator to do it (but duh, I guess I can practice and learn how--I am going to do this.)

I had done an LBRP this morning, and I wasn't facing east anyway, so I basically visualized the pentagrams that I had created this morning, feeling them strengthen a little. Then I imagined my chakras as I was sitting cross-legged, seeming to vibrate up and down. After that I saw an image of the Sephiroth, with Kether being at my head, Chokma and Binah at my shoulders, etc. This also seemed to vibrate. By this time I was feeling an intense sense of well-being.

This all unfolded like a daydream, and I am looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.

And in other news: I have decided to go back to school. With my sister setting such a good example, I am hungry to get back in the ring again. Since I am on academic "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!" status, I will have to start very slow, and I will have to go to CSM in order to build my grade average back up. So taking that into consideration, I have decided to take the telecourse "Introduction to Philosophy" and augment it with something called a "Learning Community"-- probably an informal discussion group--called "Philosophy & Psychology in Contemporary Films."

Also, I have been fiddling with my website a little. It is slowgoing, but eventually it will be something really neat.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

Friday Kinda Stuff (on Saturday afternoon)

EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS = Favorite Spice Last Foreign Vacation Spot : Nutmeg Seattle--Sounds like a guy who is a gunrunner/flies a
dope smuggling plane.

SOCIALITE ALIAS = Silliest Childhood Nickname Town Where You First Partied : Bip Millbrae

"FLY GIRL" ALIAS (a la J. Lo) = First Initial First Two or Three Letters of Your Last Name: You can call me Hermie G.

ROCK STAR ALIAS = Any Liquid on the Bar Last Name of Bad-Ass Celeb : Johnny Walker McQueen--has a ring to it.

DIVA ALIAS = Something Sweet Within Sight Any Liquid in Kitchen: Sugar Latex--could be an interesting porn name.

GIRL DETECTIVE ALIAS = Favorite Baby Animal Where You Last Went To School: Ducky Trousdale--I kinda like that.

BARFLY ALIAS = Last Snack Food You Ate Your Favorite Drink : Cracker Bacardi

SOAP OPERA ALIAS = Middle Name Street Where You First Lived: Mary Beech--sounds like someone who played someone's mom on a soap in the 1950s.

PORN ALIAS = First Pets Name Mothers Maiden Name : Tinkerbell King--will be starring with Sugar Latex in a girl-on-girl flick...

DRAG QUEEN ALIAS = First Pets Name Street Where You First Lived : Tinkerbell Beech

I am so happy that Marion, my next door neighbor came
home from Vermont yesterday.

I was taking care of things at her house while she was gone. It seemed like every time I turned around I had to feed somebody or water something or clean a litterbox or walk somebody else.

She has two cats and a dog. I believe I've mentioned Atticus before, the German Shepherd who started me on my new career as a kanine perambulist. The cats are brand new--to her, anyway, they came from the rescue shelter.

A lovely, black puma-like creature named Alex, shy and brooding, yet very affectionate, I have taken to calling him "Alexander Attaturk." Then there is a siamese without a name yet--at the shelter they were calling her "Buffy," but Marion said she will not call any pet of hers "Buffy."

NoName likes the garden, and justifiably so. The garden is an enclave of color, with deep purple clematis, clay vases with water lillies blooming out of them, and roses and nasturtiums by the score.

I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, with my own errands in addition to aforesaid duties. When I finally got home at around nine, I had a horrible head/backache. Disregarding the 420 herb that Marion had left on the coffee table, (no doubt in the hopes I would see it) I went to my mom's medicine cabinet and stole a vicodin, grabbed a cold rag, and went back over to watch tv with the pets.

Marion had encouraged me to watch tv, borrow her CDs, play her Netflix DVDs, whatever I wanted (people have a
tendency to trust me to stay in their houses by myself a lot. Lucky for them I'm a trustworthy kinda gal.) She has two tvs, one in the kitchen, the other in her room facing the bed. I had been having breakfast and dinner with the pets in the kitchen while they ate, so they wouldn't be lonely, but I had resisted the urge to televise in her room on the grounds that since Marion is gay, I might get cooties (how homophobic does that make me?)

Last night I dove onto her side of the bed in front of Bill Curtis and "Cold Case Files." A cold rag on my head, a pleasant narcotic haze coming over me as Alex snurggled me lovingly in the semi-darkness.

Thursday, July 08, 2004


He roved up and down through history --- spectre with tales to tell.
In the darkness when the campfire's dead --- to each his private hell.
If you look behind your shoulder as you feel his eyes to feast,
You can witness now the everchanging nature of the beast.


If you wear a warmer sporran, you can keep the foe at bay.
You can pop those pills and visit some psychiatrist who'll say ---
There's nothing I can do for you, everywhere's a danger zone.
I'd love to help get rid of it, but I've got one of my own.

There's a beast upon my shoulder and a fiend upon my back.
Feel his burning breath a heaving, smoke oozing from his stack.
And he moves beneath the covers or he lies below the bed.
He's the beast upon your shoulder. He's the price upon your head.

He's the lonely fear of dying, and for some, of living too.
He's your private nightmare pricking. He'd just love to turn the screw.
So stand as one defiant --- yes, and let your voices swell.
Stare that beastie in the face and really give him hell.

Jethro Tull--"Beastie"


Modern Satanist
Thinking yourself to be a god, realizing Indulgence as your main goal, not believing in a literal Satan, and counting stupidity as your highest sin. You are a proud LaVeyan Satanist! You might enjoy if you're not already a member.

Interesting. I do agree with LaVey's "Virtue of Selfishness" kind of philosophy. To look at me, you would never know. I don't dress like a goth or anything. The only black clothing I have is rock t-shirts. In fact my fashion sense is a slightly sloppier version of the "denim adept"--rock t-shirts, pants and long shirts from Goodwill and K-Mart.

So, Monday (not this past Monday, but Monday last--that's how off the ball I am this week.) I went with Mom up to the City. They had announced on the news the night before that Bill Clinton was going to be having a book signing, and we were under the impression that anybody could just go down there and meet the President.

Of course, this was not the case, as you had to have bought the book at a certain store and gotten a ticket which they had given out all of about two weeks prior. I was so pissed off. Why does everything have to be such a stupid big money deal? I mean, he's the former president, ferchrissakes, shouldn't everyone have equal access to meet him? Meeting famous people in person is one of my favorite things. To assuage my anger I ate mass quantities of M&Ms.

At least the whole day wasn't a complete wash. Mom took her lunch hour with me and we had a nice lunch at the Embarcadero Center, where she works, and I met a couple of the people in her office. I also took the opportunity to swing by Green Apple Books and trade in some of my old books. I achieved "book shrinkage", which, when you need ever inch of bookshelf space you can get like I do, is a very good thing.

I traded in for a used Thoth deck which I am going to modify by cutting the frames off (sacrelidge, do I hear you say?) and a copy of Colin Wilson's "Aleister Crowley: The Nature of the Beast". I had to wade through his blather about poltergeists and Montague Summers, but it was worth it for this quote from Israel Regardie's "Eye in the Triangle"

Regardie to Crowley--"Darling Alice: You really are a contemptible bitch..." So you know I have to read that book now too.

Also, I happened upon a complete deck/book set called "StarGate" by Richard Greer. This was freom the late 70s early 80s. I used to have one before, but it was one of the things I scissored into centimeter-sized shreds when I had the Xian sickness. It wasn't so much an oracular deck as it was a great tool for giving your brain a creative workout.

Then last Friday I went and saw the marvelous Fahrenheit 9/11. I noticed on NPR this weekend they had at least one Republican spin doctor trying like hell to refute the facts in the movie. One was just sputtering out of control and then said something like, "You have to remember, these things took place during the Clinton administration!"

Sorry fellas, Clinton's long gone, you can't blame your problems on him any more. Besides, just because something happened while he was president, doesn't mean that the Bush family weren't the ones who did it. I think the guy really felt like he had made a good point, but actually he was just another wonk who showed how stupid the Dubya Clan really are.

Anyway, after I came home from the movie, I was watching 20/20 and they had this segment on prominent sports figures that had been convicted of violent crimes but their teams had let them come back to play with merely a slap on the wrist for consequences. They were interviewing a sports team executive and once again I noticed the sputtering, scrambling for an answer, and even the guy himself had to admit, "How can I even answer that? What can I do?"

This, coupled with the two and a half hours that I had just spent in the movie theater, made me say to myself, "Jesus, doesn't anybody just do the right thing, not the thing that will make the most money?" I know this is being un-Thelemically overly concerned with other people's paths in life, but I am sometimes interested in what motivates people to do the things they do.

Then I found myself reading AC's Absinthe: The Green Goddess and came upon this passage that spoke to me:

"That marriage has today become a matter of convenience is the last word of the commercial spirit. It is as if one should take a vow of knighthood to combat dragons--until the dragons appeared."

It seems to me that there are a lot of things that people "get married to" or make bedfellows with--politics, career, business, money, and then wonder why it gets them into trouble.

As our friend Marilyn Manson said, "You live with apes, man, it's hard to be clean..."

Sunday, June 13, 2004

And a dash of lovability...

How did they get this so right?

How to make a Hermgirl

5 parts intelligence

1 part crazyiness

1 part empathy
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lovability


Personality cocktail

Live and Learn and Pass It On

Letter to the Editor by Sharon Underwood, Sunday, April 30, 2000 from the Valley News (White River Junction, VT/Hanover, NH)

As the mother of a gay son, I've seen firsthand how cruel and misguided people can be.Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.

I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?

[Spread the word: Pass this on]

I wholeheartedly agree with this woman's sentiments. As a sibling of a gay person, I try to confront this kind of prejudice wherever I see it. I have even been in a church meeting (back in my church days) where some guy was telling a story about how gays chased another guy around and almost made him run into oncoming traffic (not even a story about himself! Some other guy out there, so how do we even know this is even true?)

This was in a church I attended--so we know, it's not just the goofy preachers on tv, but these bastards are even moving into local churches with their lying propaganda, who's really the one with the agenda? You, or the fictitious pedophile gay people teaching school to your children? Anyway, when my brother came out of the closet, I started listening a little harder to the rhetoric that was being spewed by the Xian church, and it was one of the things that made me decide it wasn't for me.

And in other news: It may not be news to some of you, but this was news to me--what is really interesting is that it involves the lovely and talented Lon Milo DuQuette, probably one of my favorite people right now.

And just in time for my birthday: Tonight, on AMC, The Blues Brothers.

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."

Riding that old Mount Prospect police car, this is the newly 38 year old Hermgirl, signing out.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

More on Bonzo--sorry, can't leave this alone, grew up during the 80's, etc...

Had to share this from Craigslist.


Now that we've put Bonzo to bed for the last time, let's all go see this movie about five times and make sure we don't have another four more years of incompetence.

Saturday, June 05, 2004

And Today is a Very Good Day

As we say goodbye to someone who wanted to destroy the school lunch program by pulling funds from it, on the grounds that ketchup could be considered a vegetable.

Ronald Reagan was also the governor of my home state of Kah-lee-fohrnya, and one of the most memorable things he did (in my view, and representative of where his real heart for the people was) was a wonderful luncheon he had in the governor's mansion.

During Reagan's tenure, Cesar Chavez was leading the migrant farmworkers to rise up against unfair treatment, one of the avenues this took was the Grape Boycott. In a classic piece of upper-crusty right-wing snarkiness (right up there with Marie Antoinette's "Let them eat cake!" remark) Reagan served grapes for lunch and flippantly said something to the effect of "I don't see what the problem is; these are delicious."

This is what I will remember when I think of "The Great Communicator."

In Other News: My nephew is better, and out of the coma. Among his words upon awakening: "Ooh, my head hurts!"

Let that stand as a lesson to anyone who thinks that it's OK to drink/take drugs and operate heavy machinery.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

A little comic relief from Eddie Izzard...

Which Eddie Izzard "Dressed to Kill" line are you? by Saphyne
Eddie Izzard quote:"If the president of Burundi says, 'Would you like a cup of coffee,' you’re not supposed to go, 'Yeah, I’m in here!' 'And how do you take it?' 'Anywhere, find it, big boy! Oh, just a cup of coffee, all right… I thought you meant ‘Do you want a cup of *coffee*!'"
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Update on my nephew

Well, my nephew is still wrapped in bubble pack. They actually wrap them in bubble pack in situations like this.

He has a subdural hematoma, which is a swelling in his brain. When they got him to the hospital, he was unconscious, then went into a coma. Then they put him under drug-induced coma so that he wouldn't wake up suddenly and jar himself. It is very important in these cases that they remain completely still, so that the swelling can go down.

In the next 24 hours they will learn more. They will be slowly taking him off the drugs and said that they may need to peel back the top of his head to relieve the swelling.

So basically, no good news yet, but no bad news either.

Monday, May 17, 2004

Hermgirl's Excellent Tarot Adventure

I've been computerless for a couple of weeks, and a couple of days ago I got my computer back from the cleaners (I have it on good authority that it is now clean as a whistle.)

So I wanted to share with you all about my weekend.

I went to Divinationfest on Saturday, which was presented by Daughters of Divination, as was Thoth-a-palooza on Sunday, which was a talk given by the lovely and talented Lon Milo DuQuette.

I had expected a larger "psychic fair" type of thing, but was pleased to note that it was a more intimate gathering, not the cattle run sort of thing I had been to before a couple of times (in my teens I went to one where I met a man who became my "Tarot teacher" for a couple of months, the upshot of that being that I've been reluctant to go to any Tarot/psychic type functions til now for fear of bumping into this person again, but that's another story for another time.) Of course, it would be nice to see more people go to these things, hence my plugging of the appropriate websites.

Anywho, I got there on Saturday and it was set up like a classroom or a church meeting. I sat down, right next to Mr. DuQuette, and proceeded to gush at him like a teenager. Sometimes I am overly enthusiastic--I have to cut that out.

Then things got started, with Thalassa, the Mistress of Ceremonies (who, in the words of Will Farrel channeling James Lipton, is "Scrumtrelescent." Anyone who lives "with a herd of feral dust bunnies and too many Tarot decks in what looks like a fortress made of books" is my kind of person), holding an Intuition shaver over her head. The theme of the fest was to get ourselves to think oracularly by listening to what was going on in the universe.

Joseph Ernest Martin was there, creator of the Quest Tarot, talking about what makes a good psychic. Then he led us thru an exercise in which we tried focusing in on a picture he had in an envelope and seeing how close we could come to what was inside. There was also some discussion about how the military investigated what kinds of personalities make a good psychic. They got a bunch of these people together, trained them, and used them for their psychic skills, didn't give them any kind of support when they got burnt out, and then threw them away like toilet paper. I'll just let everyone mull that over for a while.

Then Lon Milo DuQuette gave a talk entitled "Psychic Power? YOU'RE FULL OF IT!" in which he told some great stories and even recited stentorially from Shakespeare's The Tempest. I'm a sucker for a great speaker.

Then there was an interesting divinatory technique demonstrated called Aura Soma. We were lead through a chakra tune-up, instructed to ask a question, then choose from about a hundred bottles with colored water and oil in them. Each bottle was half filled with tinted water, then filled to the top with oil of a different color. Each was keyed to a Tarot card. The interpretations were very poetic, like, "This is the bottle of the Jade Emperor," "This is the bottle of the Guardian Angel", it was extremely interesting.

Then there was a woman teaching on palmistry, which doesn't really excite me too much, so I stayed in the narthex, listening like a fly on the wall, perpetrating like I was reading the books and flyers. I found it quite educational to listen to the event facilitators share their troubles with each other.

Then there was a raffle (I won a prize!) Then it was over. It had been an extremely good day, I even made a new friend and we had lunch together. I walked down to the BART station, stopping in front of the Diva hotel, where I stood in the square that had Chita Revera's handprints.

Sunday I had a little trouble getting there on time (those busses in the city are not easy to figure out.) When I arrived Lon Milo DuQuette was talking about the life of Aleister Crowley. He interspersed this with stuff about his own spiritual journey. Then he talked about the Book of the Law (thereby rendering himself a center of pestilence.)

From there he talked about the Quabalistic progression of the creation story, working his way into a slide show discussion of the trump cards and the minor arcana.

On the whole, I was very glad I attended this, I feel as though I have a better handle on the cards after this weekend. Plus I bought lots of books, yay! So I will have lots of homework ahead of me.

Friday, May 07, 2004

Update in Library

Seven minutes to go--comp totally down at home--will check in tomorrow when I have two hours.

Comp being taken in for repairs.

Recently caught up with the KAGC--much intense awesomeness to follow.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

A couple of things:

I am currently experiencing technical difficulties with my comp, so I may be offline for a while. Will attempt to use library comp.

And in other news: If you are within the sound of my voice, live in the San Francisco Bay Area, and are interested in Tarot and other forms of divination, please go to . I am hoping other pagan LJ people in my area will be interested, and we can get together. I am so definately going to this.

Will attempt to check back tomorrow and the next day.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

First real post in a long time, I would be greatly remiss if I didn't share what happened a few days ago.

As most of you may know, I am a dogwalker by trade. This day I was walking my latest charge, a miniature schnauser by the name of Sunny. She is very small and has a good temperament, which sort of lulled me into a false sense of security. Big mistake not to think I should have been watching her like a hawk.

Unbeknownst to me, her owners had her collar adjusted just a tad bit loose. I had her on one of those leashes that feeds out from a hand held unit, the kind that lets them get pretty far away. Well, of course, she slipped right out of her collar and was a block away before I could do anything about it, and the chase was on.

I saw a group of teenage boys ahead of me, all dressed in gym clothes, looking like they were out for a jog. Perfect people to ask for help, right? Wrong. They kind of danced around like chickens, and in the end did nothing--they could have been making fun of me, I wasn't sure. Most teenagers, not all teenagers, but most teenagers are about as helpful as a screen door on a submarine.

Well, Sunny was zigging and zagging and getting further away. I lost sight of her, then spied her again, at an alarming distance. We were now by the high school, and I sort of hoped she would run in there, because it might have been easier to catch her in the enclosed yard. But no! She decided it would be fun to run all the way down Park Blvd., zigging and zagging as she went.

She was now at least four blocks away, a tiny grey dot going back and forth. That was it, she was going to get hit by a car and I was going to have a heart attack. I was so not prepared to run this fast--I mean, this little doggie was fast.

I reached the intersection by the front of the school and started to panic. The dog was nowhere to be found. The direction she had been running in, where I last saw her at this intersection, led up to El Camino just a couple blocks away. This is a major street where there are tons of cars going fast, very few of them likely to stop for a little grey schnauzer. All I could think was that she was going to be smushed.

Thankfully, the direction she was going in was also East. As I ran, I started doing a Lesser Invoking Ritual of the Pentagram, turning each direction as I went. After I traced the pentagram in the direction of the Archangel Michael, I stabbed it with my fingers and shouted, "Adonai!" Cars were going by, I didn't care if anyone saw me.

After I finished, I returned to screaming the dog's name. A man down the street waved, "She's here!" he yelled. Praise be to the Divine Current, some nice people had gotten Sunny's attention and kept her from going any further. A woman was holding her in the corner of a driveway. I thanked the people and sat down with the dog in the shade of a minivan in the corner of the driveway.

I put Sunny's collar back on and adjusted it a little. I had a little talk with her while I caught my breath, and petted her.

When I got back up to take her home, behind where I had been sitting, I found a lucky penny. A reminder that god is always with me.