Monday, October 15, 2007

(Approaches the blogosphere, like Bill Hicks with a third eye squeegied clean, eyes burning with conviction and comedy, imaginary cigarette between fingers--it's good for gesturing and punctuation!)

Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize, Stephen Colbert was on Larry King this weekend, and I got up before noon this morning. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "Hey, I'm a witch, damn it!"

You see, I decided something, folks. All of this depression and life circumstances stuff is gonna leave. I'm gonna use everything. All of my knowledge, my Silver Ravenwolf books, my Tarot cards, my pantheistic gods, my relationship to the angelic intelligences, is gonna be brought to bear on this problem.

I am gonna develop my own techniques, meditational formulas, etc. And I will win.

How much do we love me right now, guys?

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I Need to Come Back to the Bosom of Blogging...

So let's see, just try to put the facts down...

September started with the death of my cat, who was about 18 years old. He was basically the last pet we will have in this house. Things are (very) slowly winding down here, my mom wants my dad to take his junk and move upstate--she's been talking to us about it for about six months, and I guess after he has his hip operation he will be going.

The backdrop all this is against seems to be my dad's failing health, a combination of all those years of not taking care of himself catching up and him just wanting attention. At one point he was wanting to go to the hospital in the middle of the night a lot--because of my vision I don't drive, but I went with him.

So he's pretty much had mobility problems the past year, I wait on him the best I can, fix him food and such. But I really can't stand being around him, and of course, he doesn't like being alone. He whines and wants me to watch tv with him, when I do it, he doesn't shut up. He's always been one of these people that has something to say about every minute detail that goes on around him, the way someone shuts a door, a look on someone's face when they're eating. It's abusive, and I hate it.

So the cat dies, and we bury it in the back yard. I am sad but he is beside himself--I can't fault him, but it sort of adds to the drama. During this period, late August into early September, our plumbing slowly grinds to a complete halt--I mean, every plumbing fixture in the house. And backs up.

About 48 hours after the cat, approximately 4 hours after Luciano Pavarotti passes, my Uncle Doug, (Dad's younger brother) passes. My uncle was the type who would appreciate the irony of being greeted on the Road to the Great Hereafter by the world's greatest tenor, and a yellow tabby cat, amongst others.

So naturally my dad is inconsolable. He had been to the hospital a while before this, now he goes the night before the funeral, over a restless leg situation. He thought he was gonna die over restless leg. And I feel sorry for him, but...

He almost doesn't want to go to the funeral, and who really wants to bury a younger sibling? But we go, and it is nice, and we see a lot of relatives and friends.

My other uncle and his wife are also both having serious health issues, as is Doug's wife, who I sit and have a really nice talk to, like we always used to do over the years. When she leaves the party, and has to be carried out by the able young men, as she's wheelchairbound, she says to me, "I 'm so glad that we had a chance to talk, I was wondering to myself if I'd ever get a chance to talk with my little niece in this life again." This was pretty much the only time I felt choked up over this whole period. I wouldn't have missed the chance, Barbara.

I see my mom there too--that night she will go to the hospital, from pneumonia. She is ok now. But at that time I have a general feeling of "WTF is next?"

A few mornings later, I hit upon a perfect magickal incantation--I take a few deep breaths, and I say, "There is nowhere to go, but up." This is much better than that Law of Attraction stuff, because it places responsibility on you as the goer.-- "I am the Magician and the Exorcist. I am the axle of the wheel, and the cube in the circle. “Come unto me” is a foolish word: for it is I that go."--BOTL 2:7

That very day, we find just the right plumber to come out, who fixes everything, and I get a call for a job interview, the first of a few that I've been on lately.

So, things are ok, but I feel a little battle fatigued I guess. I am looking forward to a good Samhain.