Stuff I Need to FECKIN' Write

(Note on 1/17/04: This is a humorous entry, since I can't remember most of what this is talking about!)

The Richard Brautigan Bibliomancy deal.

The dream I had last night (nightmare where I am a man quilting and visited by DEATH) only make it a woman sewing a coat...

Working in bookstore piece (block-o-fiction.)

Henry and June resume piece (don't use real names.)

My online history (short & uneventful though it may be.)

Find that feckin' Sleeping Beauty poem and work in Disney Princess.

Courtney Love on being blonde.

Punk remembrance of Sleeping Lady Cafe.

Read that FECKIN' book and review it...

Please, get OFF YOUR ASS and feckin' do this...

(I am actually going to try to remember some of this and do it...)

Frickin' Coffee!

So here I am at one in the morning, when I should be sleeping. I hate having an on-again, off-again relationship with caffeine, it really sucks. Of course I have gotten a lot of good internet reading done, but today I had to deal with that coffee withdrawal/hangover thing that makes me feel like sleeping all day. If we could just abolish sleeping, I wouldn't feel like such a loser.

And in other news: I pissed off a famous author today! He was dissing new age metaphysics and blathering on about Sid & Nancy like he knew about the inside of a real punk rock club, so he got on my nerves.

It was Christopher Locke, one of the guys that wrote Cluetrain Manifesto. Now, Cluetrain Manifesto is actually a pretty good book, but after checking out the guy's weblog (which will not get a plug here, I'm a bitch, deal with it) I got the impression that the total was worth more than the sum of its parts. Like these guys were maybe a bunch of IT hacks that got pissed off one day.

As a New Ager myself (sometimes I call myself an occultist, other times New Ager, it matters not to me) I get a little irked when I see people taking cheap potshots at people's belief systems in an obvious attempt to make themselves look like quite a smartypants indeed. Like pasting a mock ad for Body & Soul magazine, with a blurb underneath it that reads "Get Fucked in a romantic Aegean monastery!" Or quite a saucy little sarcastic headlines that read "WOW! GIANT New Age Wholesale Directory!" or, "If I Laugh at This, Does it Make Me Homophobic?" over simply a picture of a book on gay wiccanism.

Do I also believe that there is a huge amount of crass commercialism in the New Age world? Yes, definately, and that is unfortunate.

But the problem I have with you, Mr. Locke, and your suck-ass weblog, is this: for the words "New Age", substitute "Moslem" or "Jewish" or "Black" or "Gay", and maybe you'll start to see my point.

So I wrote this in an email to him:

We get it, you think new age metaphysics is bullshit.

You also string together pop-culture twaddle in an attempt to sound poetic.

But while you're busy being so self-congratulatory and self-referential, you seem to have forgotten your own Manifesto: #3. Conversations among human beings sound human. They are conducted in a human voice.

He writes back to me:

Huh?

I'm interested in what you say here, though I suspect there's more to it. What has you so pissed off? Is it my attitude toward "new age metaphysics"? You did get that part right. I'm writing a book about it-- hope to post a little something to my blog later today that will be not as cryptic as the usual.

But like it or not, that *is* my human voice. If you don't recognize it as such, then one of us has a problem. Eh? Either that or people are way more different than advertised. I think the latter is probably closer to the truth. If there's a truth to get closer to, that is.

Thanks for writing. Say more.

chris

Well, chris, you make me want to ball up my fist and scream "Dooohhh" like Homer Simpson. I will not give you anything to go on further for your crappy little book so you can cash in on your petty prejudices, but I will say more here. Your ham-fisted attempt to make me look dumb by saying that I didn't recognize your human voice means that YOU are the one with the big problem.

Hipper than thou intellectualism sucks! You are unacceptable and need to be bitch-slapped!

That's enough air-time for him I guess.

Hi Everyone!

Writers are people that live on the cutting edge, like rock stars.

They work in a solitary environment. They can be in their own little world, even in the middle of a crowd. They are watchers who observe and record, but never interfere. They are part of the lunatic fringe, having the ability to know strange, interesting people and do strange, interesting things. They are at home with artists and academes, having the ability to hold court amongst the talented.

They are tied to ancient traditions of storytelling and bardic shamanism, with the ability to weave magic spells with words. Ordinary rules don't apply to them. They don't have to have clean rooms, balanced checkbooks, or soul-killing day jobs. They are like the Gods.

I'd get more writing done if I didn't have to live with my parents. I'd get more writing done if I had a clean room. I'd get more writing done if I didn't have a soul-killing job. I'd get more writing done if I didn't feel so crappy all the time.

I'd get more writing done if I didn't watch so damn much TV. I'd get more writing done if i could return to that perfect inner landscape I once knew (ah, Hermworld, your songs echo in my heart.)

God Damn It!!!

Hello everyone. I'm sorry I haven't been posting lately, but I've been busy with the whole work/school thing.

I must post today, because I need to vent about both of these areas of my life, it has NOT been a very good week.

Work: I have had to go from one job to another recently. I left a rather lucrative position at Whole Foods Market, because they refused to give me time off to spend with my mom, who was in the hospital, when I had no idea how well she was going to be doing (she is fine now, but I had no idea how it would go at the time.)

So I got this other job at a baby furniture store near my home. It seemed like the perfect place at the outset. They needed someone to work the hours that I needed to have because of school. I didn't have to take a cut in pay; I wouldn’t have to work really late. Then I started working there. From day one, my supervisor, a young lady in her early 20s I believe, has been on this little power trip. While she hasn't been nasty to me, she has not been happy with me from day one. Also, her training style leaves quite a bit to be desired. She wants me to talk to the customers in exactly the same ways she would, using the exact same words she would, and picks nits with me over this stuff every chance she gets.

Then, last weekend happened. The old man who is the senior owner (& who has owned & operated the place since 1947) ushered me into one of the furniture showrooms where no one was around. He showed me a crib that needed to have the bedding put on it. As I was making up the crib, he asked me if I had sold any furniture that day. As I was occupying my mind trying to answer his question, he came up behind me and stroked the side of my back in a long, slow feeling-up kind of way. I was so shocked I couldn't say anything. And the problem is I feel like I can't say anything, because my supervisor is so girly with him and lets him hug her and talks in a whiny girly voice with him that she would probably say, "Well you just misinterpreted him, he's just very friendly, etc..."

So there's that. Then my supervisor took me aside and had a list of things she wanted to talk to me about. Apparently I raise my voice to the customers, which actually means I just talk in a louder voice than she does. So I guess I have to go around whispering. So I politely sit and listen to her and just kind of yes ma'am the whole thing, but apparently that wasn't good enough for her so she had the store manager have a talk with me and essentially I got written up, and she painted it with the darkest brush possible.

So all this places me in a mood where I no longer care about anything they want. I am getting another job as soon as humanly possible, and then they can kiss my ass. Then today I was helping a customer with a procedure I wasn't familiar with, and my supervisor spends as little time helping me with it as possible. She walked off at the end, so I yelled across the store at her--I knew she would hate that. So she sent me to another department, where I know even less stuff. Apparently no one in the store understands that a new person needs to be helped out with procedures.

So I came home & had some Johnny Walker Black Label (and I NEVER drink, so you know I have had it up to here) and decided that the no-holds-barred search for the replacement job starts promptly on Monday morning at 9:00 am sharp.

I will have plenty of time to do it since I am not going to school this summer, because...

School: Monday was the first day of the summer session, which I went to and promptly decided to sit this one out till fall, when they get the GOOD teachers back, because the one they got for our class was completely unprepared for us, & I decided it wasn't worth eighty bucks of my hard-earned dough.

I apologize if this entry is pissy, but I just had to vent.

What I Did Today

Went to school, late (11:00).

Talked with Anita & Jodie--a good discussion, about why I don't work at Whole Foods Market anymore, the Martha Stewart movie last night. And an idea about a website for Jodie--"General Jodie", a play on words about her expansive general knowledge & also her ability to help other figure out how to get going on their lives. It would be a cross between an advice site and an ask jeeves type of thing.

Of course, Anita was quick to attach some get-rich-quick scheme to the whole thing. "You could charge people for advice!" I'm not sure I like Anita very much--she may have a certain amount of intelligence, but what little there is is buried under so much coarseness and scatterbrainedness it is hardly worth hunting for. I explained to her that you can't really make money giving advice, that this kind of site is "content" oriented and that its potential for realizing any monetary benefit was after the fact--using it on a resume, selling advertising, etc. Tomorrow she will probably ask me about "that content website you were talking about..."

On the bus after school I got a very good idea for a short story based on something my Uncle said to my Aunt.

Then I went to my local library, not my favorite library, but that was where the books I wanted were. I tried to check some stuff out & found out I couldn't because a check I wrote to the Friends of the Public Library went bad. I apologized to the library technician, she didn't make a big deal out of it, but apparently she must have told the older librarians because when I went to tell them about the malfunctioning copier, she told me AGAIN about the thirteen bucks I owed them.

I hate those bitches.

 

A day in the life of your average Hermgirl...

I went to school today.

I attend a vocational school, Regional Occupational Program, where I study MS Office. I am at the point where I have a certain amount of skill, I can type & file up a storm, and I'm pretty good at Word 2000, but I don't yet have the skills I need to get that good paying office job I keep talking about. I've gone too far to abandon my journey, but I'm not quite where I want to be.

ROP has students with different levels of education and job experience, many of them with much more of both than I have. I just went straight to work after graduating high school, and I had a lot of things going on in my twenties. So I've basically been trying to rebuild my life/career for the past seven years, through fits and starts.

Right now I'm looking at the possibility of going to work part time at KFC so I can pay for my classes and the few little bills I have to pay. I'm very lucky in that my parents let me live with them rent-free, although sometimes it is not so lucky, if you know what I mean.

So I get to school today and unfortunately I arrive a little late, so I have to sit near these gals, who, though I like them well enough, really bug me because they talk a lot, and they seem so nice I get drawn into conversations with them that prevents me from doing my schoolwork.

Thank god I have this home computer, or I might not get anything done. And then of course, there are the inevitable questions about how my job situation is going.

I had made the mistake of telling one of them that I had mild Attention Deficit Disorder, and now she wants to make a project out of me. She wants me to do all these things that would ultimately make me a lot less happy and much worse off than if I just did things my way. Why must everyone achieve and acquire things at the same level as everyone else?

And then there is Anita. She and I had a mutual friend in High School, someone who manipulated and used me for ten years until I finally kicked her to the curb. My life has gone nowhere but up since, it was one of the best things I ever did. I pretty much don't think too much about her, except when I am yelling at her to myself and pacing around my room.

Imagine my surprise when Anita showed up at ROP. And of course, it seems like her favorite topic is former friend, Andrea. I'd rather not discuss that with her. So I need to not get too close to her.

One of the themes of this journal is probably going to be antisocialness. I am really happiest when I am all by myself, and thankfully, from time to time I get to have that.

Can't Change Me

"Suddenly I see everything that's wrong with me
But what can I do?
I'm the only thing I really have at all..."

So I dropped by the library and checked out this excellent Chris Cornell CD, got a lot of good ones, David Bowie, Henry Rollins, etc, gonna tape them--one of my favorite cost-cutting measures.

I was hugely into Soundgarden; this guy is a tremendous songwriter.

Lollapalooza is back, Audioslave will be there and Jane's Addiction & Queens of the Stone Age, both of whom also rock my socks off, but unfortunately there are no funds for concerts this summer, otherwise I would be SO going to Counting Crows, which really sucks.

I will be back within the next couple of days to get into more depth about things other than music, I'm just tap-dancing around before I really get goin'.

Audioslave Video

OK---Chris Cornell is just a SHMOKIN' HOOOOOTTIE!!!!!

Let's just get that straight from the outset--in addition to the sexalicious Adam Duritz & David Immergluck, I am a fan of the former Soundgarden frontman.

Tom Morello, I advocate your peacenikism, dude, and you are an excellent guitar player, but it’s all about the Cornell...

"Trust me, you're gonna want more cowbell."

My nephew IMs me, and the first line he writes is:

"I need more cowbell, babe."

I answer:

"I've got a fever. And the only cure for it is more cowbell."

Anyone who did not get that NEEDS to watch more SNL reruns.

I haven't been posting as much as I should have because I have been training at work and having to study produce code all night--I will try to post more this weekend.

Magical Personality Quiz Results

[music|Every CD by the Foo Fighters (Courtesy my generous nephew.)]

Here are the results from taking this quiz:

Your Primary Mythical Creature

Air Types
The main strength of the Air types is intellect. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this intellectual activity.

Unicorn
Air with Water

Astrologically associated with Gemini and the Third House

Unicorn types are very concerned with the communication of ideas. They are witty and likeable but can also be quite shy. They are easily bored and easily distracted, and may seem unpredictable and superficial for this reason. Actually they are very deep and are usually trying to find the connections between the people and things around them. They are highly imaginative but not very practical. They love knowledge for its own sake and are not concerned about putting it to use. They are socially astute and sensitive to others’ feelings, but may still appear somewhat aloof. They are drawn to grand schemes for unifying people but these often don’t extend beyond the initial idea. Very logical and rational, Unicorn types are also unconventional and even bizarre. Other people may regard them as fey or just strange.

Your Shadow Creature

Fire Types
All the Fire types have problems relating to anger and aggression. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.

Phoenix
Fire and Earth

This shadow is prone to a sense of stagnation due to lack of motivation and laziness. Nothing durable is ever produced. Practical activities may never be embarked upon. There is an underlying sense of futility and hopelessness. Disillusionment results from their lack of confidence that they can change anything for the better, and in any case they do not have the will. At the same time there is an underlying grandiosity and even megalomania reflected in their dreams and aspirations. They need to feel special. Instead, they may simply overindulge or neglect themselves physically. The biggest obstacle of weak Earth is to overcome self-centeredness and greed; the biggest obstacle of weak Fire is to overcome anger and aggression.

This didn't really tell me anything I don't know--although spot-on about me being a Gemini.