New Year's Resolutions for 2006

I'm not gonna do "Statements of Will" like I did last year, it was pretentious of me and placed too much pressure on myself to be even more spectacular than I already was, so getting fancy like that is out.

Did I do the things I resolved last year?

Did I "stir more meat" into my literary pot with this blog? Um, not really. I got some stuff written, but I still have to edit it into a coherent body of stuff.

Did I become a "raging health machine"? I didn't become Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2 like I wanted to, but I was going to a gym for a while, and I stopped hitting the chocolate quite so hard.

Did I keep a magickal diary? I did, but mostly not online. I have a notebook where I check off everytime I remember to do LBRP and one where I keep my Tarot readings.

Did I become a digital camera expert? Well, I got a new camera that works a lot better, and will be learning more about how to use it.

And now, a list of things I would like to do in 2006:

Clean up the Grotto and put up a couple more articles there.

Mo Tarot! Mo Tarot! Mo Tarot! I need to get back to my pathworking and qablalistic studies, one of the ways I am going get qabalistically in tune is by using a method outlined by a friend, using the 1 - 10 pips in my tarot deck, and a combination of Duquette's Chicken Qabala, Godwin's Qabalistic Encyclopedia, Regardie's Garden of Pomegranates, Crowley's 777 and Bk of Thoth, and anything else that seems good that I can get my hot little hands on.

I would like to either get a job down at Petco, or continue dogwalking and supplement it by starting a small Ebay business.

And finally, I have decided to go vegan!!! You heard it here first, folks. I may have a transitional period where I am lacto-ovo, but I just watched "Meet Your Meat" with Alec Baldwin, and had a good cry, and I can't in good conscience touch anything made by the butchers anymore. I am an animal lover.

Books on My Shelf

I posted this on the Thelema.nu site (I was on there before it started sucking), thought I'd let my blog buddies read it.

This is a great topic for me--I absolutely love books--I have worked at three bookstores in my life, and about 75% of the wall space in my room is filled with books

First of all I have a lot of fiction--Saul Bellow, Hemingway, Richard Brautigan, the Beats--Kerouac, Burroughs, Diane di Prima, etc.

Typical stuff like Stephen King, Jonathan Kellerman, Clive Barker, Thomas Harris, etc.

Business motivational stuff like Cluetrain Manifesto, Tom Peters, etc.

Then I have stuff like the Collected Works of Antonin Artaud--one of my literary idols. The edition that has an intro by Susan Sontag is really good, because she talks about gnosticism. Like Crowley, Artaud was an insane(?) drug addict. Like Crowley, his ideas went on to shape the second half of the twentieth century.

I also have a bunch of antique books I inherited from my grandmothers. A set of Dickens, a set of Balzac, a series of children's fiction and history.

A huge passel of pocket paperbacks, with stuff like Nietzsche, H.P. Lovecraft, Pat Conroy, Jackie Collins, and Ayn Rand. I find the Ayn Rand a little embarrassing, but I keep it in there because it tends to weird out & intimidate people who don't read much.

There are also things from the fifties, like Bob Hope's "I Owe Russia $1200" and "Barbara Owen, Girl Reporter".

Tons of Complete Idiots Guides and for Dummies books.

An embarrasing amount of Llewellyn books--They were shiny, happy, pagan books that were about three bucks apiece at one store I worked at.

Tons of books on yarn crafts.

Tons of books on Tarot (my current favorite is the Complete Idiots Guide to...")

Some Hippie dippy type stuff like Ram Dass "Be Here Now" and Timothy Leary "Confessions of a Hope Fiend" and also that book he did with R. A. Wilson, the title of which escapes me now. I also have tons of R. A. Wilson, except for that one about Bob & Slack (post-modernism kind of gets on my nerves.)

One of the first books on metaphysics I ever read was Colin Wilson's "the Occult".

I also have some stuff on Gnosticism, like Pagels & Steiner.

I also have a lot of Ouspensky/Gurdjieff--but the only Ouspensky book I even got halfway through was New Model of the Universe, and that was because I really dug the parts where he talked about his disillusionment with society through his newspaper job, and subsequent search for wisdom. "There are enough lies in the world without mine." There is a very cool book about the 4th Way community called "Struggle of the Magicians: Why Ouspensky Left Gurdjieff" by William Patrick Patterson, which reads like a spy novel. You should check it out if you're into them.

I have some things like Godwin's Cabalistic Eycyclopedia, Regardie's Golden Dawn and Garden of Pomegranates.

Of course I have a lot of Crowley books, one of my favorites being an edition called "Portable Darkness: An Aleister Crowley Reader" edited by Scott Michaelson, which provides a nice introduction to his work. I have the Confessions, Laurence Sutin's "Do What Thou Wilt," The Law is For All, Holy Books of Thelema, Book of Lies, Magickal Diaries of AC, 777, Book of Thoth, Magick W/O Tears, Tarot Divination, Magick in Theory & Practice.

Pink Floyd goodness--complete with Syd Barrett!

Go here, buddies!!!

The Coffee Table

The Coffee Table
Originally uploaded by Hermgirl.

Just testing things here--this is my coffee table.

So, what *is* "The Secret"?

A new marketing ploy has been launched upon the masses. In the wake of recent tragedies in the headlines like Katrina, the London bombing, AIDS in Africa, etc., humankind is naturally looking for answers, help, something.

Along come people with a tv show, (which will likely be riddled with interesting commercials!) to tell us about a wonderful secret, which great people throughout history knew. And they are going to share it with us!

They are already gearing up with banner ads interested folk can use, ipod tie-ins, etc. The mind boggles at what future media bonanza will await the creators of this television event.

The most interesting part of the Secret's blog are the comments, complete with some seminar wonk, salivating at future marketing opportunities, sending the same comment over and over again. This could be bigger than the Kabbalah--what WILL Madonna do?

Um, Ok, but, what would * I* use one for?

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Start using a condom. Get your resolution here

Weird Dream

I hardly ever remember my dreams, but when I do, they are usually interesting.

This one had creepy trenchcoat Vince Vaughn in it. Everyone in the dream was a creepy goth trenchcoat type person, and it was kind of like a movie. Vince Vaughn was a detective or something, and we were looking around this weird skinnny house with many floors that had six or eight siblings living there, most of whom wore glasses. I think one of them was James Woods.

Anyway, there were these two rats helping us find a person and we would look in each room and the rats would go through it. One time a rat ripped the corner off a woman's purse and took it outside.

Was there a movie with Vince Vaughn about rats that I saw and forgot about?

Hello world! And Happy Holidays!

So, I had a nice Christmas, I spent time with my mom and sis and her two kids. One of my dogwalking friends gave me a Barnes & Noble giftcard (yay!)

Also, a couple of days ago, I was Googling myself and I found out that I'm on a blogroll for the local news. So, hello out there, I'm just checking to see if this entry shows up. Hopefully soon I will have some interesting stuff to post (I am still working on that series of essay entries, maybe in the next couple of weeks it'll be here, stay tuned.)

My dad the collector...

My dad has developed a habit of sending away for knives and swords from cutlery catalogs. He has so many now, he could almost start his own shop.

I'm waiting for the F.B.I. to come busting through the door, thinking they have the latest terrorist on their hands, when all it is is a 71 year old man.

LJ Interests meme results

1. birth control:
   The best form is the pill. You hold it between your knees...
   On second thought, I shouldn't be so flippant about this. This is a very important issue in every woman's life, and the fact that in America they are slowly rolling back the ability to teach about this in favor of that "Abstinence" crap is indicative of the war on women.
2. creative visualization:
   by Shakti Gawain--the best book for anyone beginning their magickal journey, IMHO. Yeah, so it's a little New Age cheesy, so what?
3. feminism:
   I used to think it was presumptuous of Gloria Steinem to say, “In my heart, I think a woman has two choices: either she’s a feminist or a masochist.” But the older I get, the more it rings true.
4. index cards:
   They're not just for breakfast anymore.
5. kids in the hall:
   "I'm your cousin, Jerry!"
6. middle pillar:
   http://tinyurl.com/bk85h
7. quentin tarantino:
   JIMMIE: "I'm not a cobb or corn, so you can stop butterin' me up. I don't need you to tell me how good my coffee is. I'm the one who buys it, I know how fuckin' good it is. When Bonnie goes shoppin;, she buys shit. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff 'cause when I drink it, I wanna taste it."
8. soundgarden:
   "Everything I've held is what I've freed
   Everything I've held is what I've freed
   Everything I've shown is what I feel
   
   Buying lies and stealing jokes
   And laughing every time I choke
   
   Biding all the time you took
   Now I know why you've been taken
   
   Now I know why you've been taken
   
   So bleed your heart out
   There's no more rides for free
   Bleed your heart out
   I said what's in it for me"
   
   --Slaves & Bulldozers
9. the who:
   "Happy Jack wasn't old, but he was a man
   He lived in the sand at the Isle of Man
   The kids would all sing, he would take the wrong key
   So they rode on his head on their furry donkey
   
   The kids couldn't hurt Jack
   They tried and tried and tried
   They dropped things on his back
   And lied and lied and lied and lied and lied
   
   But they couldn't stop Jack, or the waters lapping
   And they couldn't prevent Jack from feeling happy
   
   The kids couldn't hurt Jack
   They tried and tried and tried
   They dropped things on his back
   And lied and lied and lied and lied and lied
   
   But they couldn't stop Jack, or the waters lapping
   And they couldn't prevent Jack from feeling happy"

--Happy Jack
10. Θελημα:
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law, love under will.

Ooohhh mahahan, is it late...

But I managed to get something done on my website!!! Just for my special peeps, here is the first gander at my first article on my website. Some of you guys may remember this from the blog, but I embellished it a little.

The page itself is perfect, but I have not yet placed the link for it on my main Tarot Page, so there is a link back to the homepage and a link back to the Tarot page, but not yet a link from the Tarot page to the article--I just want you to know that I know this, ok, but the HTML for the main tarot page is sooo fucked up, I have to redo the whole thing, which is gonna have to wait til later this week.

I neglected to pay tribute to Richard Pryor this weekend:

Back in the days of vinyl I had a copy of "Are You Serious?" and I used to do this bit from it for my friends, an old negro preacher bit (which is funny if you imagine a silly little suburban white girl doing it), that had a funny exchange between God and Richard:

"He walked up to me and said, 'Can I have a piece of yo' bread?'

I looked at Gawd, and I looked at Gawd good. Coz I was hungry!"

Thanks for giving us a piece of yo' bread, Richard. You were the funniest muthafucker around.

Well, it's been a stressful couple of days. Actually, I think I may be getting kind of depressed lately, so I hope I'm not too whiny. Maybe it's the onset of winter, maybe unemployment, something, I dunno. I think that's why I haven't blogged very substantively lately, I gotta get it together.

Thursday I went to go take a needlepoint class that turned out to cost more than I thought it did, I went down the street to the library and found a bunch of books on it and I'm going to teach myself.

Then later Dad and I were grocery shopping and some junkie beggar asked us for money. She was just skulking around the store, approaching people. I could tell she needed it for drugs, so it just really bugged me.

People that are obvious heroin addicts really squick me out. A couple weeks ago, I was walking the dogs in the park and one of them approached me. It was a girl that I had gone to Jr. High with. She started talking to me and I noticed the trackmarks on the backs of her hands and wrists, and how skinny she was. Later I saw her making a drug handoff to some other girl, who naturally came over and tried to talk to me--which is something else that freaks me out a little, why do these people always feel the need to talk to me?

What's up with that? And then there is the factor of the age of these people. I am noticing that an awful lot of them are my contemporaries. I'm like two months older than Kurt Cobain--is everyone trying to identify with him? Because frankly, I don't see the benefit. This is another reason why Morrisey is so awesome as a model for depression and antisocial feelings, he's in touch with all that, but you know he would never wimp out and shoot himself.

Anyway, Dad and I had a difference of opinion on the junkie chick, he got very passive/agressive about it. He occasionally tells me he worries about someone coming behind me and hitting me over the head with a lead pipe, but he's actually the one who doesn't have the ability to avoid certain types of people.

Then on Friday, I found out that Cole, one of the dogs I walk, passed away the night before. Wednesday, they had taken him to the vet, Thursday morning the vet called and said he had cancer in his lungs, and of course, that evening he walked up and layed down at his master's feet and expired.

I had just helped these people put their potbellied pig to sleep a few weeks ago. I also know that they will take some of Cole's ashes and keep them on a shelf somewhere, next to the ashes of every pet they've ever had.

Well, I felt so depressed on Friday I was exhausted. I feel better now.

And I used to like Beck...

Beck is a scientologist.

There is also some info here about Beck and Scientology and a deeper look at what this cult is really like.

Because I harbor secret fantasies of building my own house someday...

...this sort of thing really turns me on.

Recent Aquisitions

I got a new camera!!! It's a Polaroid PDC 5070. I am just learning to use it, so there will soon be better quality pics up.

These are recent used bookstore finds. All of them, exept for KoIA Vol 1, at Green Apple books in SF, for trade:

1. The Legend of AC by Regardie
2. Wheels of Life by Anodea Judith
3. Postmodern Magic by Patrick Dunn
4. High Magic by Frater U.D.
5. The Key of It All 2 - D.A. Hulse
6. The Key of it All 1 - D.A. Hulse
7. Qabalistic Tarot by Robert Wang

Trying really hard to be nice and not laugh...

OK everybody, um, Anne Rice is a Christian!

Oh, wait, who was that in the scene with the Sanhedrin? It was Anne Rice!!!

Oh, and when they sent the prophet Jeremiah into prison, Anne Rice was in a cell a couple doors down from him, yeah!

"Getting healthy, finding God."

--In which Anne looks very much like the Aunt that converted me all those years ago (spooky!)

And sometimes

you're just in the mood for a little singalong.

And one of the SAD things about the internet...

...is that it gives know-nothing whelps like this a forum to take pics of their fancypants yuppie "author" meet and greets that they have the unmitigated nerve
to desecrate the hallowed floors of the City Lights bookstore
with.  I was traipsing around the checkered floor there before
some of these people were even born.  And the ones that do look like they're from my generation were still too busy acting cool to even think of picking up a book at that time.



You really must witness the pic of the semigoth/yuppie look chicklit
bitch that they thought important enough to include here:  Adam
Duritz (one of the great Loves of My Life), would have called this a
display of "Brand New Attitude."  The perfect low-rise jeans, not
too faded, not too nouveau, tank top with the ever-so-tastefully exposed
brastrap coming out. 



"Writers do it better," I'm told--well, what
do they do better, darling?  One answer to that which comes to
mind is "Spell."  Another is "Have a nodding aquaintance with
grammar and syntax."  Them:  "However this evening we dining
well." 



This person has the gall to call Kerouac and Ginsberg bad
authors (and frankly, I'm sure they had it coming, darling, being
exceptions to that whole "doing it better" rule--one of them being a
zen buddhist semibisexual given to periods of celibacy, one of them
actually being GAY!  Well, they weren't very good yuppies, were they?) hence my whole reason for being so incensed.



I looked at the profile of the gherkin who posted this travesty of
blogdom and was shocked to learn that some of his favorite music
included:  Counting Crows, Bob Dylan, Neil Young (he spelled the
first name "Neal"!!!), and Johnny Cash!!!  How
could the cool not have rubbed off, at least a little?  I blame
the early to mid Nineties, who made this kind of thing possible with
their cheap alterna-consciousness and their Rolling Stone magazine, Gap
ad marketing.

Well, hello, everyone!!!

Well, hello, everyone!!!

This is my first page, in'it speshul?
It just makes me wanna turn purple.

This was a post from the new Writely website.

Just surfing around...

And came upon this.

The gal who does these is actually a good friend of mine--she's practically my cousin.

Anyway, those beads on her site? She actually makes them. Local celebrities, like one bay area news lady that I know of, buy her beads. She teaches classes all over the world. She studied glasswork under Dale Chihuly, who was named one of the top ten modern artists in Art for Dummies.

When we were kids she was always drawing and always had markers or pencils with her. Her eyes seemed to seek out color wherever she could find it. My mother has always been a very colorfully dressed woman and it was interesting watching her eyes dance over my mom's outfits.

In more recent times, I was able to see her workspace in the garage of her home, with all of her glass rods and her flamethrower and her gas masks--it seems like a very dangerous undertaking, but I'm sure she wouldn't be doing anything else with her life. I've looked at the way she has grown up into a very professional artist--one who is actually able to make a living (yes, Wirewoman, it can be done!) doing art.

It's something that has inspired me, when I think of writing, or illustrating or anything like that.

Cool Interest List idea:

I don't know why I never thought of this before: how about using your blog interest list (or interests you have ganked from others) for two different things:

As a writing/journaling prompt generator--write each interest down on its own 3 x 5 card.

• If it is an object, use it in a story
• If it is a person, pretend to be Larry King and interview the person
• If it is a band, pretend to be a member and write from their perspective
• If it is an author, try to write an entry in their style
• If it is a concept, write an essay paragraph about it

As an oracle deck. Shuffle your cards, ask a question, or not, and see what you get.

• If it is a person, try to channel them and ask questions
• If it is a band, listen to some of their music while you meditate and see what happens
• If it is an author, open one of their books and read the text under your finger

Swinburne Fun

When you see this, post a poem in your blog:

The Higher Pantheism in a Nutshell
by Algernon Charles Swinburne

One, who is not, we see: but one, whom we see not, is:
Surely this is not that: but that is assuredly this.

What, and wherefore, and whence? for under is over and under:
If thunder could be without lightning, lightning could be without thunder.

Doubt is faith in the main: but faith , on the whole, is not doubt:
We cannot believe by proof: but could we believe without?

Why, and whither, and how? for barly and rye are not clover:
Neither are straight lines curves: yet over is under and over.

Two and two may be four: but four and four are not eight:
Fate and God may be twain: but God is the same thing as fate.

Ask a man what he thinks, and get from a man what he feels:
God, once caught in the fact, shows you a fair pair of heels.

Body and spirit are twins: God only knows which is which:
The soul squats down in the flesh, like a tinker drunk in a ditch.

More is the whole than a part: but half is more than the whole:
Clearly, the soul is the body: but is not the body the soul?

One and two are not one: but one and nothing is two:
Truth can hardly be false, if falsehood cannot be true.

Once the mastodon was: pterodactyls were common as cocks:
Then the mammoth was God : now is He a prize ox.

Parallels all things are: yet many of these are askew:
You are certainly I: but certainly I am not you.

Springs the rock from the plain, shoots the stream from the rock:
Cocks exist for the hen: but hens exist for the cock.

God, whom we see not, is: and God, who is not, we see:
Fiddle, we know, is diddle: and diddle, we take it, is dee.

Meme: Fifteen Fun Friendly Facts about Hermgirl

Be lookin' at your friendslist. Notice that friend stonemirror
has tagged you for a meme on twenty random facts, which he has done a lovely, complete job on (no wonder he's a great captain of industry!)

Think about it for a while. Wind up with only fifteen, and then tag fifteen friends who seem like they don't have anything better to do <;P.

Blame The President.

1. I sometimes feel like a woman without a country, I don't seem to fit into neat categorizations. You know, those things where some kind of "expert" says, "If you do a, you fit into this category, b, you belong to this category, c, this category," etc. I'm always going, "Yeah, but what about people like me?" Not that this makes me feel inferior in any way, on the contrary, it tells me that those kind of tests are bullshit.
2. I am fairly antisocial. Not because I hate anyone, but because I am often very disappointed in people. Often, my radar goes off, and I have to drop people like a bad habit. I generally keep things to my family, a few family friends, and you wonderful online people. Even the people that I am friends with at work or whatever, I don't see very often, and I like to keep it that way.
3. This is probably because I prefer books to people. I have not counted my books, but I probably have four or five thousand. All jammed into my little bedroom.
4. On June 13th of next year (the same birthday as W.B. Yeats, I like to tell people,) I will be a REAL "Forty Year Old Virgin". I don't need a silly movie, I am living it, buddies! This is not because I am unattractive and can't get a man, but because I have made a commitment to celibacy. I would rather be alone than with the wrong person, and I also feel that my time and energy are better spent on other things. Also, I feel that magickwise, your sexual energy is a powerful thing that should be directed purposefully.
5. Having said that, I am actually very pro-sex. I sometimes (make that, somewhat often) enjoy seeing good looking men get naked. I also enjoy what I like to call, "comic book porn", of the type done by artists from Heavy Metal magazine, such as Guido Crepax, whose version of de Sade's "Justine", and Réage's "Story of O" is on my shelves somewhere.
6. I stay up into the wee hours way too often (this item written at 3:50 in the morning.) I attribute this to having had jobs where I had to work all manner of goofy hours. The clock workings have finally sprung into a mass of debris. But then you knew I was a little "off" didn't you, buddies?
7. Like a lot of eccentric pack-rat types, I'm extremely messy.
8. In my head, there really is a place called Hermworld, it's one of those sci-fi utopia/dystopia type places, like Dune or something. It was discovered by me with the help of an otherwise incompetent therapist I went to when I was 23. I remember a guided visualization thing he led me through, and there it was, real as the table I'm sitting at. I remember telling the therapist, "It looks like an old junk shop."
9. I'm aware that this is kind of a narcissistic exercise, in which I share things that make me seem more interesting than I really am. To the contrary, I am actually kind of a boring person and I sort of like it that way. I enjoy the fact that I'm turning into a boring old fart. Because not getting older would be sort of a bummer.
10. Having said that, Neil Young once said hi to me (and my brother-in-law has been to old Shakey's farm on a couple of occassions.)
11. I once pissed off Todd Rungren during a show, and if enough people are interested, I will dig up the story from an old journal somewhere and post it here if I can find it.
12. Once, when I was at a Counting Crows show(a group I've seen nine times), Adam Duritz (one of the great loves of my life--and I'll brook no comments from the peanut gallery) got so pissed off and told me (and nobody else--seriously!)to zip it. I had had a little too much to drink and was being disruptive.
13. To round off my stories of brushes with rock star greatness, I was at a radio station seeing the great Alex Bennett perform radio magic. It was the asscrack of dawn, and in waltzes Art from Everclear. They were touring with an English band called Kulashaker, who also showed up. About a year later I was at a Kulashaker show and got to talk to Paul the drummer and told him, "Now, I hope you guys are gonna keep making those great records and keep coming over here and touring." He looked me straight in the eye and said, "Well, we'll do our best." Three weeks later, the group had broken up. You betrayed me, Paul Winterheart.
14. I'm an extreme procrastinator.
15. I also sometimes leave things unfinished, as in a list of twenty things that somehow turns into only fifteen.

Bob Larson and the Devil in New Orleans, and Gettining Paid vs. Dogwalking

It has come to my attention, via the fine folks at "A Current Affair", that evangelist Bob Larson is at it again. This time he isn't just trotting out his old bag of cheap exorcism tricks, he has stated that he is going to go to New Orleans to cast himself out a bunch 'o devils down there.

If you've never heard of the Good Mr. Larson, you've actually missed quite a laughfest. His radio show, "Talkback", ran during the late '80s and early '90s. This guy was actually kind of entertaining, conducting exorcisms via telephone! And he would bait people, choosing a different group every day to pick on, "You people with multiple body piercings, call in and tell me why you do this to yourself!", etc. So he would get punks, goths, straight ahead metalheads, occultists, polyamorous, and what have you to call in, and eventually he would get one that needed an exorcism.

I recall one guy, a musician in a death metal band, talking to him in a goofy accent, claiming to be possessed by a demon that called itself something that sounded like, "Chicken Gita". I remember thinking, "Now, who is pulling whose leg here? Or are they both working together on this?" And of course, Larson went to commercial break, commanding, "I want someone to call in with a thousand dollars for Bobby the possessed death-metal guy!" The balls!!! It was high-larious.

* * * * *

And in the Suck My Ass, You Heartless Gibrones Department: Well, last week they had me working at the bookstore, and then they put me on a call in basis, and this morning I was told that they were making cuts, and one of the things they were cutting was me.

(Sigh)Well, at least I made a few bucks to cover my school expenses. So I picked myself up off the floor, dusted myself off, and waltzed on over to my neighbors and asked for my old dog-walking job back. One of whom so far has taken me up on it, so I will at least have monthly travel $$$.

Things are not as black as they could get. Last week as well, the psycho I was working for before actually paid me the money she owed me. There is something to be said for a mother who has friends she can talk to so she can call the person on the phone and say, "Now you know, if you don't pay her, that you're in violation of state law number XYZ? And we will be seeing you in court."

I found out on Friday that the bookstore hired one of my friends from Book Market. If they don't treat her right, I'm just going to go postal on them.

Doing the dance of the happy book people!!!

I have just gotten the job at my local bookstore!!!

I will be working full time, and taking classes on bookeeping and accounting software on Saturdays in the late fall.

I am still only seasonal Xmas help, but I can probably get my option picked up at the end of the year by being a wonderful employee. And if that doesn't work out, the class I take will help me to get some kind of office job. So the rest of my year is set.

Yes, I WILL play the blame game!

Current Mood: Aggravated

This could have been prevented. (Warning: You might have to cry when you see this.)

While That Little Honey was playing his guitar, and his mother is making cute little remarks about how wonderful things are for the evacuees, people are going through heartbreaking terrible things. Well, if it doesn't break somebody's heart, I don't know what to tell you.

I can't see how anyone can sit on the fence, clinging to political correctness after this. You can't appoint unqualified people to run things as important as FEMA, just because they're your friends.

Bush is a robber baron who made his money (not that he made a lot of $$ without help from Daddy, or that he was the most tremendous businessman,) in Texas by stealing land from people, and I guess he's going to do it again.

At a news conference, Pelosi, D-Calif., said Bush's choice for head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency had "absolutely no credentials."

She related that she had urged Bush at the White House on Tuesday to fire Michael Brown.

"He said 'Why would I do that?'" Pelosi said.

"'I said because of all that went wrong, of all that didn't go right last week.' And he said 'What didn't go right?'"

"Oblivious, in denial, dangerous," she added.

--From SFGate.com

It seems to be following me...

And now for a pause in the coverage, to acknowledge a bizarre recurring theme...

Thanks for the comic relief, 14theditch.

Bush Buddy Michael Chertoff's idea of "Homeland Security"...

Pat Robertson? Really? You thought that was a good idea?

More evidence of President Tweedledum's incompetence:

Link.
He needs to be sat down in a playpen away from the sharp objects, like authority to appoint judges...

In the Court of the Crimson King...

Current mood: I don't know...

The wall on which the prophets wrote
Is cracking at the seams.
Upon the instruments of death
The sunlight brightly gleams.
When every man is torn apart
With nightmares and with dreams,
Will no one lay the laurel wreath
When silence drowns the screams.

Confusion will be my epitaph,
As I crawl a cracked and broken path.
If we make it we can all sit back and laugh.
But I fear tomorrow I'll be crying.
Yes I fear tomorrow I'll be crying.

Between the iron gates of fate,
The seeds of time were sown,
And watered by the deeds of those
Who know and who are known:
Knowledge is a deadly friend
If no one sets the rules.
The fate of all mankind I see
Is in the hands of fools.

Confusion will be my epitaph,
As I crawl a cracked and broken path.
If we make it we can all sit back and laugh.
But I fear tomorrow I'll be crying.
Yes I fear tomorrow I'll be crying.
King Crimson: Epitaph

Today I went into a record store, thinking, "I should get a King Crimson cd."

I kid you not, when I went in, what was playing but "In the Court of the Crimson King"? Not something people just pull out and listen to these days. Seriously, that's the way it happened.

But that's not all. Check out what I tossed last night for The I Ching of Mi-Lo:

"51--The Arousing (Shock, Thunder)
Blitzkrieg! Neighbors are blown to smithereens.
If you can walk, you may get to safety.
Bam! Bam! Bam! Nonstop shocks! It's irritating, but you don't really get hurt. (!!!--Me)
Stuck in the mud. Nothing to fight. Nowhere to go.
Wow! That was a wakeup call! Change your ways and don't get caught snoozing again.
A shocking loss. It's terrible. There's nothing to do now but write it off (you'll get it back.)
Oh, man! That nearly scared me to death.
Haha. Thought you had me there, didn't you?"

I have been spending most of my time the past few days just reading blogs and surfing the net. I wish I could think of something pithy and wise to say, but words fail me. I'll bet Dubya is sorry they diverted those funds to repair the levee last year over to the war.

One of the people on my f-list had some very well-thought-out thinkin' that I thought I'd share with you.

To Phoebe, the Totally in Charge of Herself Bunny I Took Care of Last Weekend

Because I can.

Over the weekend I petsat, a rabbit and a cockatiel. The owner had told me to let the rabbit out and go ahead and let the bird out of the cage too if I felt like it.

The rabbit was kind of an independent lady. She would come if you rattled her box of treats, but other than that, she was aloof. The cockatiel, named Rocky, was of course a prisoner in a cage. I saw no reason to let him out, what was he gonna do that was interesting? Birds don't excite me that much. What I really don't understand is people that insist on providing birdseed to the wild ones in their backyards. So you're saying you want a festival of white poo all over? Whatever floats your boat, Chachi.

On the last day they were both quite animated, pets tend to know when their owners are coming home. But Rocky was absolutely going nuts, so I figured letting him out would be a good idea, let him fly around the place and work some of that off. He very happily flew around, pooed on things a couple of times, and lighted on my shoulder then flew away again several times. Even the rabbit got into the act, jumping on the couch and crawling on my lap.

What can I tell ya? I got animal magnetism.

"Where have I been?!"

"Out of my brain on the 5:15!" (Guess the song lyric, budddies!)

So long time, no postee.

Sometimes life takes very swift turns.

My mom informed my dad that he has to move upstate with my brother, or she would get a lawyer. She is going to come home, which will be nice, and then she and I will be spending about six months or so getting the house (the house I've lived all my life in, the house my dad's lived in for 50 years) in shape to sell.

They are going to split things two ways, and apparently help me get some kind of place on my own, etc, til I can get on my feet or whatever. Or maybe she is going to buy a place and let me have a room, I don't know. As far as my own financial situation, money will be tight. The bail bonds office that I was working at turned out to be a bust. I worked there for about three weeks and the lady went psycho on me. I was too embarrassed to say it here. I have recently been doing house/pet sitting for friends and made a fair amount of $$$ that way, but I am hitting the job trail with even more earnest than I was before.

On that score, I recently had a very positive interview experience with Barnes & Noble. I am going to try to parley my four years of experience in various bookstores into a full time position at the new store opening up near my home. So I was at this job interview, and the guy was going around the room talking to people and while he was talking to me the woman who he'd just talked to leaned over and told him that I'd helped her and her daughter find books at the bookstore that I'd last worked at, and apparently I'd sent her on her way a very happy customer. I should possibly find out if I have the job sometime this week.

One of the upshots of all of this is that I won't be able to do the thing I've been talking about recently. I will have to spend all my time helping my mom or working. At the very least that means, with the exeption of private studying on my own, the other thing will have to go on the very back burner until my life is stable enough to take another stab at it in a year or two.

My mom and I usually get along pretty good, but with her Capricornian control-freak issues, I may wind up feeling like killing her, who knows. Keep on the lookout for some very interesting "venting" posts on that topic.

Why Kathy Griffin is just cool:

Kathy Griffin's husband: "Where are we going again?"

Kathy Griffin: "Some bullshit Kabbalah party!"

She's definitely D-List. She's no Madonna. (Did I ever tell you guys that I really hate Madonna? I do.)

Who Am I?

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the adolescent boy who committed suicide because my priest told me I would be better off dead than a sinner.

I am another adolescent boy who was molested for years by the another priest who all the while told me God hates homosexuals, but I never mentioned it because he convinced me it was my fault.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.


Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.

"Any secret worth keeping is worth killing for."

Or so said the billboard that has been confronting me at the BART station the past couple of times I took the train out to Castro Valley.

It was a billboard for the new Jeffery Deaver mystery, "The Twelfth Card."

Guess what card graced the cover of the book?

The Hanged Man. Of course, as a tarot reader, I look at this advertisement and think, "Shame on you, Jeffery Deaver!"

Last night, I had gone to another Pathworking meeting. This time, the path was Netzach to Tiphareth.

This path can be easily understood by its corresponding card, Death. It must be understood that death is a part of life. It does not serve one well to go frolicking in the Forest of Dingley Dell (spot the old Prog Rock reference, buddies!) and just forget that death happens.

Much like the Tower card, my thinking is, "If you're gonna make an omlette, ya gotta break some eggs." But Death takes this idea even further than the Tower, it doesn't just break the eggs, it obliterates them. There is a chance that they will completely relinquish their inherent "eggness." We do not yet know what we will be "when the roll is called up yonder."

Having said that though, another aspect of it is rebirth. Scorpio, in its capacity of being the stinging insect as well as the eagle, reminds me of the process from larva to pupa to adult butterfly. Once the old is cleared away, there is room for the new life.

In related news, some of you will have a new sister by the end of the year.

So I live with these concepts of death and new life, until next pathworking, when I will be guided by the twelfth card, the Hanged Man.

To paraphrase (and correct) the Jeffery Deaver ad, "Any secret worth keeping is worth dying for."

"There is nothing in me that is not of the Gods!"

Well, I finally went to my first Gnostic Mass!

It was just an amazing experience. Words fail me to describe it, and most of you know I am rarely at a loss for words (exept when it comes to actually posting my own entries--gotta get on that.) Beautiful would be a good word, there's a word for you.

Of course there was an embarrassing/humorous moment when I went up to eat the cookie/drink the wine (this is me we're talking about here!) After watching everybody take the elements and "communicate", my mind was spinning so fast that when I took the wafer I blanked out, and had to whisper, "What do I do?" The lovely priestess leaned forward and said, "You eat the cookie!"

This I did, and then for some reason I drank the wine like I was in a beer-chugging contest. I had been thinking of that scene in the Joan of Arc movie where she drinks from the cup till it runs down her face, so thirsty is she for God.

I remember wanting God like that. And now I am God and Godly and Godlike and I give all good things to my children and them that love me. God is in all, through all, I am God, God of God-Hall, God of the mountains, God of the seas, just beatifically Godlike.

When I left I don't think I stopped smiling til I got to the BART station.

There is no god but man.

Here is my personal Declaration of Independence.

It was penned by Aleister Crowley, a very bizarre, extraordinary, Victorian Englishman. If anyone has any questions about this, I'd be glad to answer them.

Here's wishing all my buddies a very safe, and happy 4th of July.

And it's ok to like the BeeGees...

So yesterday, I'm watching Pulp Fiction, one of my current favorite flicks, and I start thinking: You know what? A lot of the things I like really are mainstream and predictable (someone said this of me recently, it matters not in what context.)

And you know what? I don't care. I don't give myself extra cool points for being obscura or uber-anything.

Maybe I was inspired into this line of thinking by the way Uma Thurman was acting (before she snorted the heroin.) Her demeanor seemed to say, "Lighten up, enjoy yourself. You like the Beatles? You like Elvis? You like five dollar milkshakes? Who cares?"

If you think about it, she and Travolta were both having vanilla drinks. Him: Vanilla Coke. Her: Martin and Lewis. Both in congruity with each other.

Vanilla: a word that can be used to mean plain, boring. Vanilla sex.

And yet, they were both enjoying a delicious beverage.

I'll just leave it at that, buddies.

Listen, punk:

If you could go back and talk to yourself at age 16, what 5 things would you say?

1. Quit smokin' that damn dope!
2. Do your homework!
3. Kick that manipulatin' bitch you call a best friend to the curb, she will cost you more money, time, and tears than she is worth.
4. Ya know, boys are not really evil. You are gonna really like them someday. Get your nose out of the weird books once in a while and find one to talk to. No, screaming at Ian Gillian from the edge of the stage does not count.
5. Put the damn bong down, hippie!

They say I'm a cheap date...

So Mom and I are going out to luch on Saturday to celebrate my birthday. Where do I want to go? Subway.

I talked with my sis about it, then I emailed her:

By the way, Sis, I really love these pics of Jeff. Thanks.

Quiznos is a pretender to the Subway throne. Eat a meatball sammitch and be happy.

Love,
Your Sister, the Hermgirl

Dissemble/disassemble...

Dear President Bush:

"...people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble—that means not tell the truth."

I really think a block of muenster cheese could do a better job of being president than you're doing.

After a long day of not getting the country embroiled in a pointless war, the American people could make a delicious sandwich with the president.

Your friend,

The Hermgirl


(president@whitehouse.gov)

So here's the full scoop:

I am now working as an office clerk for a small business, a bail bonds/traffic school/insurance broker/ DMV registration service/uhh, dessert topping and floor wax...

My job is to answer phones, take messages, send faxes, and file papers. I am the ONLY one in the office, the few people that work there breeze in and out occasionally, on their way to somewhere else apparently.

I had my only interview for this job last night at 8:45 pm--the gal was on her way somewhere and had found the resume I dropped off. Gave me the key, I came in this morning,. I talked with one guy who came in for about a half an hour to inspect some papers.

I sent two faxes, I separated some files and put them in different piles (are we sensing a pattern here? This is an easy job!) I "familiarised" myself with the filing system by snooping through it, and found some interesting stuff in the bail bonds section on "interviews and interrogations" that talked about how to tell if someone's really telling you the truth--I'll be reading that one thoroughly later, I'm sure.

I'm sensing that whatever work they give me to do will probably take about three hours at the most to complete, then the rest of the day is mine. I anticipate doing a lot of reading, like Henry Winkler did in "Night Shift", before Michael Keaton came along and spoiled everything...

I am going to make it my business to be the best office clerk these people ever saw. Regular, daytime hours (hello, bodyclock realignment!), fairly good money. Last night I was so excited I could hardly sleep. Tonight I am so tired I don't think I will have that problem, 'nighty-night all.

I mean, I'm two doors down from a place that serves chili cheese fries, could things get any better?

Tighten up your wigs, buddies!

So, bing, bang, boom, I now have the office job I have been trying to get for years.

No more dead end retail. No more smelling like dog poop. No more paychecks that are gone after two little books, one CD and a nice lunch.

I knew with this place lightning was either gonna strike or it wasn't.

How do you like that? More on this story as it develops.

I got this email from a friend:

One of my friends in real life (really.)

In it she said: "There is alot more that happened but I do not waht to board you."

I am going to convince her to start a blog!!! (Seriously!)

Hermgirl,

Waiting to be boarded...

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Tarot Mages

I hope everyone was good to their mom this weekend.

My sis and I took Mom to a nice restaurant in Half Moon Bay, right next to the beach. It was nice seeing my niece, who is a little punk rocker with her pink and black checked vans (oh, the memories that brings back!)

Then yesterday, I met with my friend Cerulean from the Aeclectic Tarot message board, and we had the first meeting of the San Mateo County Tarot Association, which at this point, and maybe for the first few meetings, consists of just us, and maybe a couple of others, that didn't show yesterday.

We had coffee at Kepler's, and discussed all manner of things. We then did a reading on the future of the group, which I am going to post my interpretation of, both here and on the AT board sometime at the end of the week, because it was one of those big spreads that I really have to chew over.

She also again very generously gifted me with a new tarot deck, the Tarot of the Secret Garden, which I will post a review of sometime soon.

We then went to Feldman's Books, a nice used bookstore near Kepler's, where I purchased The New Tarot for the Aquarian Age, a deck from the sixties. Look for a post on that one soon as well.

Slamdancing With the Angels, or, "At my left hand, Uriel..."

"Zeus speaks: Drink my friends, drink with the gods of Olympus and become one with them. Be one of us and part of all that has been in this beautiful land. I will make you all gods and goddesses, with powers and realms of your own. I ask only that you acknowledge me as ruler of Olympus and all who belong to it. (He holds out the cup and waits.)"
--D.A. Nowicki, The Shining Paths

The week before last, I was offered a similar cup to drink from. I can't quite name it exactly at this juncture, but I've been invited to do something.

I have been hoping for this opportunity for a while and been preparing for it, but naturally now that it's here I am beset with niggling doubts.

Do I take the red pill or the blue pill?

After living under that question for the past week, Sunday night I'm doing my nocturnal thing in my room, listening to one of those college radio stations. The kind that plays the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, b/w Screaming Jay Hawkins, b/w Diamondia Galas, b/w Anton LaVey doing torch songs with an organ, b/w some kinda ambient stuff that sounds like breaking glass and people screaming mixed together.

So, I got very confrontational with my Spirit Guide.

My eyes fell on my Doreen Virtue Healing With the Angels and Archangel Oracle cards (I was ridin' the razor's edge the other night, buddies!) and I said, "OK, baby, let's dance! You TELL me what I should do!"

I threw the big cards on the bed, mixing them violently. This was how the draw fell:

1. Trust
2. You Know What to Do--Archangel Uriel: Trust your inner knowlege, and act upon it without delay.
3. Forgiveness
4. Relationship Harmony--Archangel Raguel: We angels are opening the hearts of eveyone involved. Arguments and conflicts are being resolved now.
5. Abundance

Just as I laid these cards out and was looking at them, the radio show hostess came on. Her voice was deep, throaty, and suitably gothy. Her name (I am not making this up!) was Ophelia Necro.

She was saying something about getting mentally prepared: "For some of you, this will mean going to sleep. For others...You know what to do!"

Astrology Quiz

Your Rising Sign is Pisces Dreaming and introspective, you're often lost in your thoughts. Which is okay by you... you're inner world is pretty darn awesome. And while you are inwardly confident, sometimes you seem a bit unsure. People often handle you more delicately than they need to. You love luxury, and even if you're a bit broke, you want things to look "rich." Mysterious and demure, you keep secrets about yourself to remain an enigma.

What is Your Rising Sign?

This is so true, especially the part about how I'm inwardly confident, and people often handle me more delicately than they need to. Plus this factor is exacerbated by how I look so much younger than I really am.

Recent Bookstore and BATS Aquisitions

• Lon Milo DuQuette--The Book of Ordinary Oracles (Very cute, and indeed quite useful, and I got a very nice autograph!)
• Hello Tarot (What happens when you mix Sanrio and Tarot?)
• Gerald Suster--The Legacy of the Beast (This one, and the next three, gotten at Green
  Apple Books in San Francisco)
• Aleister Crowley--The Heart of the Master
• DuQuette--Angels, Demons, and Gods of the New Millennium
• Franz Bardon--Initiation into Hermetics (only fifteen bucks--SCORE!)
• Laura Scott & Mary kay Linge--Divining the Future (I found this at the Book Market after I went to BATS--apparently, I hadn't spent my last available dollar yet.)

So, that gives me something to do, in addition to the philosophy homework I have to get back to...

Adventures in the Tarot Brigade

Lately I have been attending Tarot classes taught by the weird and wonderful Thalassa, where I made many new friends.

An interesting highlight from the last class was an exercise she called the "Carnack" exercise, in which we acted like the Johnny Carson psychic character, putting a card up to our forehead with eyes closed and talking about the impressions we got. Actually, this seems like a pretty good thing to do, to help open the psychic center of one's brain--I think I will do this once a week.

What really baked my noodle about this was that the guy sitting next to me in class immediately named his card and the colors and emotions evoked by the card. Woo, scary. This is a guy you definitely want reading for you because he's got mad skills.

Anyhoo, on completion of that, it was on to the great celebration of all things divinatory, SFBATS!!!

And of course, I got to hobnob with the hoy and the polloy, first and foremost being the lovely and talented (and one of my favorite people) Lon Milo Duquette, who introduced me to one of the guys working on the upcoming Crowley film and I found out there was no room in the budget to have Jude Law in the starring role (crestfallen though I was about this, at least that means that the Johnny Depp money is also out of reach. Johnny Depp would just be wrong, I think.)

Other highlights included Rachel Pollack, the Joseph Campbell of Tarot, who told a wonderful fairy tale, and then expounded on the commonalities between Tarot and fairy tales. I asked her what she thought about current pop culture and things like comic books and movies like the Matrix having more metaphysical content--I didn't know at the time that she had actually done some comic book art--I read about it later and felt like an idiot.

Then I was having a good discussion with a lady for about a half hour when she revealed that she was Valerie Sim, author of Tarot Outside the Box and creator of the Comparative Tarot.

On the whole, I had a tremendous time, meeting famous authors and getting to talk to them, and totally acting like a book groupie. I made printouts of a couple of my spreads and passed them out liberally to my friends.

I can't wait for the next one. I feel like these are my people--I like them so much and want them to like me too--kind of a dorky thing to say, but that's how I feel.

Five of Cups--I think this means I needn't feel like such a dork up against these Tarot biggies. If I look around me I will see my own potential and the resources that are there for me to be a great writer someday. I must not overlook my inheritance.

And with that, I must go do homework. My sadistic philosophy prof has me reading about something called "hard determinism" which I do not like very much at all.<|P

Train Home

So the other night I went to my Tarot class up in Berkely, and on the train home I saw something interesting.

Getting on the train just ahead of me were these two girls who had the same kind of hair, it was cropped short and very light blonde. They had the same style sense about them, but they weren't dressed exactly alike.

They were like a personification of Gemini, exept they were Sagittarius and Pisces(I asked them--I know, I'm weird that way.)

The Piscean had a scarf on, just like the one I was wearing that night (and I know this is a very bad pic, but it was a ten-dollar digicam.) exept hers was varigated white and green--very nice, but not homemade like mine.

I just thought it was an interesting bit of synchronicity.

You scored as Spanish. You should learn Spanish. It can be useful especially if you live in the United States. Spanish 67% Latin 53% Arabic 40% French 40% Chinese 33% English 27% Japanese 13% What language should you learn? created with QuizFarm.com

Actually, I might do that next, after Philosophy. I once took a course kind of half-assedly, and now I know how to use el banyo when I need the WC, and I got to where I could communicate a little with people I worked at McDonald's with. Un poquito Espanol, es muey bueno! I must pick it up again.

So, anyhoo, I've been busy studying my philosophy, which is why I haven't posted in a while. I just took a midterm, which I just barely scraped through with a decent grade, I think.

In other news, I've been going to a Tarot class up in Berkeley, tomorrow night is the final one. Also, I will once again be attending the wonderful SFBATS, so I'm a happy camper about that.

At this juncture I have nothing else to report. I have a full day ahead of me tomorrow in the City, so I best be hittin' the hay.

Just felt like checking in.

No wonder he wanted to kill his father and fuck his mother...

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2665896?htv=12

I am Hermit, Hear Me Roar!

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	hermgirl
Your haiku:	a little faith in yourself the hermit--you have the capacity
Username:
Created by Grahame

So I've been thinking about all the crap I have to get done these days--look at this list:

• Housework


• Philosophy homework


• Learning Tarot/magick


• Reading and getting rid of books


• Working on website and blogging


• Getting a part-time job


• Saving $$$


• Walking the dogs at a decent hour


• Doing craft projects--knitting, crocheting, learning new stitches, etc.
  

Amazing, says I. Thankfully, someone dropped this cool link (thanks, Sunfell!) and I followed the links and the upshot is that I've decided to start on David Allen's program. I know, yet another book to read--I'm one of those people that's always trying to finish eight books at the same time.

On that front, I'm about a third of the way through the Parsons bio, and this evening I was thinking about how a crater on the dark side of the moon is named after him. If I'm not careful, I may find myself becoming enamored with Jack Parsons. Something about a hot nerdy scientist, I dunno.

So I had that on my mind and pulled this card: The Moon. As I meditated on what it might have to say to me, I started thinking that it doesn't always mean self-deception, but imagination, and I started thinking of myself as that lobster, or another creature, rising out of that pond, and following that path between the towers, into the dark unknown.

I started thinking about other things like the Hundred Acre Wood, and the woods outside Hogwarts, where Harry Potter confronts Valdemort one evening when he's out wandering around.

I checked Waite's Pictorial Key, and it has this to say about the Moon:

The path between the towers is the issue into the unknown. The dog and wolf are the fears of the natural mind in the presence of that place of exit, where there is only reflected light to guide it.

The last reference is a key to another form of symbolism. The intellectual light is a reflection and beyond it is the unknown mystery which it cannot shew forth. It illuminates our animal nature, types of which are represented below--the dog, the wolf, and that which comes up out of the deeps, the nameless and hideous tendency which is lower than the savage beast. It strives to attain manifestation, symbolized by crawling from the abyss of water to the land, but as a rule it sinks back whence it came. The face of the mind directs a calm gaze upon the unrest below; the dew of thought falls; the message is: Peace, be still; and it may be that there shall come a calm upon the animal nature, while the abyss beneath shall cease from giving up a form.

Morty, I wave my granny pants in salute to you!

Just surfing around the net and came upon this piece of awesomeness. You should go there. It is an amazing site with lots of good stuff like forums, links and streaming video. You should check it out, if only for the clips of James Inman, and the ever wonderful RAWilson.

Also, today I was at Barnes & Noble, puttering around and having coffee, when I happened upon a new bio of Jack Parsons.

Strange Angel--by George Pendle, ISBN # 015100997X

Seems to be a little bit better written than John Carter's Sex and Rockets, going deeper into his childhood and literary interests, such as early sci-fi pulp mag "Amazing Stories", as well as the temper of the times he was living in. Indeed, Pendle even does a good job of making rocket science romantic and mystical (as it certainly must have been to Parsons.)

On this perusal, Strange Angel seems like a good read, with lots of background info and references to support the story. I am left with the feeling that I definitely want more than a quick skim of this book at the B & N coffee shop.

For those of you who don't know who Jack W. Parsons was, he was a rocket scientist at Pasadena's Jet Propulsion Labratory in the 40s and early 50s, when he died in a mysterious accidental explosion in his home.

He was also a Thelemite who wrote a book (which I have yet to read, unfortunately) entitled Freedom is a Two Edged Sword. He turned his home into an early hippie commune, that was much talked about in the press.

He hobb-knobbed with the sci-fi intelligentsia, authors such as Robert Heinlein, Ray Bradbury, Jack Williamson, and A.E. Van Vogt. It was his association with Elrond Hubbard, himself a pulp
fiction author at the time and the creator of Dianetics, that led to some interesting misadventures. That is all I'll tell you. Go google it, you won't be sorry.

Various & Sundry Things

Well, I was kind of depressed earlier this week, but I think I'm OK now. Part of it having to do with what a damn mess my room is, and having no $$$--which is nobody's fault but mine (spot the Zeppelin lyrics.)

Also, my parent's separation (which I'm sure is permanent, not that I thought it wasn't) is starting to wear on my dad. He has been bitching and moaning about how Mom doesn't love him, etc. He looks at this as Mom doing something to him. He doesn't seem to think about the fact that he didn't really act very lovingly towards her, or ever take notice of the many warnings she gave him.

I love my dad, and we get along most of the time (I could also say the same of my mom), but he really drives me nuts sometimes. He is 70, and it is like he is going senile. He talks incessantly, and he is constantly calling me into the living room when I am busy to look at something on tv, or to push food on me. He is so invasive sometimes I just want to scream, "Jesus, do you EVER shut up?" I find myself wishing he would just die, already, so Mom could come home and we could fix the house up the way she wants it.

The other day My Gay Neighbor came over and had to have me use my key to get into her place, despite the fact that someone (her cousin) was already in the house and could have just answered the door. She introduced me to him gushingly, saying, "She's cool! She can read
your Tarot cards for you!" she ended by stroking my hair with a flourish. OK.

I will be doing a Tarot reading here tomorrow, but I'm afraid the Tarot Hoedown will be going on a sabbatical, due to philosophy homework.

Regarding the philosophy textbook, I am noticing it is about as subtle as a heart attack--"How extensively have you examined the beliefs that have come to define who you are and how you live your daily life?...Are you, say, a Xian who believes in one God, because that is how you were
raised but had you been raised in India, you would have been a Hindu, believing in many Gods?"--and using the existence of God and the issue of abortion in examples explaining what syllogisms and disjunctive statements are!

I can just see some of the soccer moms and yuppie chicks who bring babies to class(there were a couple that I saw) dropping away. I know at least one of them will loudly declaim (either to the enire class, or they will seek me out--because I'm sure they will see me as one who really cares what they think) how much this material is challenging to their beliefs. Some will see this as good, and may find it refreshing for their mundane muggle brain, and others will simply cave in at the thought of actually contemplating what motivates their lives.

I am around the same age as many of these women (and the class is almost all women) and I can visualize them being the same kind of kids who picked on me in school. My only crime against them: being someone who preferred reading and thinking for myself, rather than following the herd in a mindless attempt to be popular and wear the right clothes, have the right hairstyle, etc.

Now that they are old and tapped out, after pounding out who knows how many babies, they are going to attempt logical and independent thought?

I salute those who actually succeed in freeing their minds. The rest, I will be laughing at you on the inside.

Sunday Night (or Monday Morning) Tarot Hoedown

First, (since I don't have much to offer this week,) I thought I'd share some Tarot links that I think are really good. With the exeption of Aeclectic, these are ones that don't usually get the
airtime they deserve.

Aeclectic Tarot

Church of Tarot

Supertarot

Tarot Corner

Tarot Traditions

Tarot Passages

Tainted Tarot


Next, as promised, I will demonstrate the use of the Soul Questions spread. I did the reading for this on Friday night, when (as usual--you guys know me) I was up waaaay too late since I had to be up and ready to go somewhere at 7:30. You will note that the cards seem to take me out to the woodshed.

While a sound drubbing might make for an interesting evening in some quarters and at appropriate times, you've heard me say it before: sometimes the cards just kick my ass.

Consider this an object lesson: When you get a reading that is not quite a happy affair, you may not want to discount what the cards are telling you out of hand. After all, this is your subconscious speaking to you, saying things you might want to say to yourself if you had yourself sitting in a chair right in front of you.

1. King of Pents, reversed--Danger, Will Robinson! Your faculties are dulled and open to corruption.


2. Four of Cups--Possiblities are there, but you need to get out of your own way first.


3. Moon--Your overactive imagination is working against you, kid.


4. Nine of Swords--You are wallowing in the mire of
   despondency--once again, get out of your own way and have a little
   faith in yourself.


5. The Hermit--You have the capacity to share the secrets you have with others.


6. King of Swords, reversed--Don't be selfish and cruel--you could be setting yourself up for a fall.
   

This is basically saying, "Listen, silly, I'm not gonna give you a reading when you are up so late when you have to get up early the next day!"

I am abandoning my purpose by staying up late. I wasn't feeling right about doing the reading. I was decieving myself and so not utilizing my talents well. I was very unhappy about not having enough time, just need faith in my abilities.

One bright spot about this reading was it told me I could utilize this to share my foibles with others, and thereby pass on a little knowledge that way.

It tells me that my staying up late is a manifestation of bad selfishness.

So Thursday was the first meeting of the Intro to Philosophy class.

I know there are some of you out there that go to REAL college, and I envy you. There are some reasons why many people laugh about community colleges, and they were exemplified by some of the people in my class.

First I was in the bookstore, picking up my textbook, and some woman came up to me, the way many women before have come to me, in various vocational school classes and similar venues, they come to me wanting something, and having the feeling that I am someone with the ability,
if not the inclination, to help them out.

Of course it was a very small thing, no skin off my nose to answer the question, but it was what she did after that really frosted my ass. Again, what she DID wasn't huge either, but still...

She noticed that I was getting a text for the same class as her, and asked me what room the class was in. She knew where the building was, just not the room, she said. Thinking she might walk with me to the building, and thus save me having to check the map, I told her. I turned around to sign for my stuff, and when I turned back, she was gone. Like it would have killed her to wait another 10 seconds for someone who had helped her out.

"That's the last time I help her!" I thought. I have had a snootfull of what these kind of women do in schools. These goofy housewife type bitches will come wheedling and simpering and whimpering for you to help them with their papers with no regard for the fact you are busy working on yours. These kind of bitches really screwed my sister over when she was going to Notre Dame. I'm not that generous and will ignore anyone who doesn't take no for an answer (I've had to do so before, obviously I may have to again.)

No thanks to her, I found the building, got there a little early, and found about eighty percent of the class sitting in the dark. That's right folks, none of these future ontological pontificators had
the presence of mind to flip on the lightswitch. I did so, decrying, "Let there be light!" And there was light.

Tuesday Morning Tarot Hoedown

Hello, fellow babies out there in the blogosphere, this entry is brought to you by the beverages: Red Bull and Coke. When you absolutely, postitively, have to get something done. The
Hoedown will return to Friday this week at it's regularly scheduled time.

The first item of business will be a review.

Divinatory Suite Software

I've tried other Tarot software and been slightly disappointed, but this gets a big thumbs up from me! Not that it's entirely without an iffy side--my Spybot Search & Destroy ping-ed
a few times while it was downloading, and if I didn't have Firefox I don't know what shape my browser would be in now, so this is probably not for people without good protection. That said, however, the features are worth the "price of admission"--which is "free to download and use forever!" which makes my cheap side very happy.



First you have access to three different decks and the standard Runes, 21 different Tarot spreads (including three different versions of the Celtic Cross.) You can manage the particulars of the spread: do you want to use only major arcana? Do you want to use card reversals?

The choices given make for a much more usable interface, and though I still had to get my own cards out and go over the reading like I always do with a computerized reading, I didn't feel as "removed" from the spread as I would have if I was using that Tarot software I paid ten bucks for at CompUSA.

But wait, there's more! There is also a diary function, where you can not only store the reading, but post your own thoughts. There is also a section where you can learn card meanings. But the feature that really sold me was the "Create a Spread" function. Here you are given space to
create layouts, and a place to type in the meanings of every postition. Also, you are given the option to share it with the Divinatory Suite community.

All in all, this gets the Hermgirl Seal of Approval.

And now, without further ado, I give you the latest spread I have developed, and a reading on myself to demonstrate its use.

~ The Soul Questions Spread ~

This is probably a good spread for beginners to use, since it has less than seven card positions (as always in my spreads, you can add an extra card on a position to elucidate.) It is quite heady, though, so be sure you want answers to these questions. Also, you will probably only want to do this spread occasionally, say once a month or so.

Just lay your cards out right to left.

1. Your basic purpose in life--your True Will.


2. What makes you unique?


3. Where does your genius lie? Skills and Talents.


4. Life challenges (and how to overcome them.)


5. What you should know about current changes.


6. Life developments: What will manifest for you if you continue on the path you are going down?
   

Since it has gotten very late, I will continue with the reading demo tomorrow.

I wrote this last night but couldn't post it because my comp was going floopy on me.

Writing this in my notebook as the Bart train careens towards Berkeley...

I had two eggs for breakfast this morning, fried in olive oil.
They were perfect, and when I plated them out, I noticed that the way
they had cooked rendered them into a natural Yin-Yang symbol.

I am getting back into the swing of things. You know how when you
are really sick for a couple of weeks, you'll get well, but you are
slightly off your game for another couple of weeks? That's the
way it works for me, anyway.

So I took this morning's breakfast as a sign. Getting back into
the swing of things, I'm a member of the First Church of Hermworld with
Fire and Signs Following.

More after my Pathworking class.

Resumed today, due to last night's technical difficulties.

Last night we traveled from Yesod to Hod.

Hod can be thought of as the Realm of Nerds. The guided
meditation took us to the Library of Alexandria (and as a book nerd,
the Library of Alexandria is a place I've often thought I would see
when I got to heaven) and references made to Socrates, Jesus, and Da
Vinci, among others.

In the Tarot, Hod corresponds to the four eights in the deck. Here is what Crowley has to say, in The Book of Thoth:

"Being in the same plane as the Sevens on the Tree of Life, but on the other side, the same inherent defects as are found in the Sevens will apply.

Yet one may perhaps urge this alleviation, that the Eights come as (in a sense) a remedy for the error of the Sevens (the Sevens having been described as pertaining to Venus, and to Earth, which weakens the energy of Venus.)

The mischief has been done; and there is now a reaction against it. On may, therefore, expect to find that, while there is no possibility of perfection in the cards of this number, thery are free
from such essential and original errors as in the Lower case."

In the year 2005 I resolve to: Teach my dogs to fly. Get your resolution here

There are five of them, so I better get crackin'.

Happy New Year, Blogger Citizens!

Statements of Will for 2005

Rather than make "New Year's Resolutions", which are something you can make, then forget about by February, perhaps if I do it this way, I'll be more likely to keep them (it could happen!)

In 2005, I will:

• Stir more meat into the pot. I'm talking essay-entries here in this journal, as well as articles and a new look for my website.


• Become a raging health-machine. At any point I should be able to stop and ask myself, "At what percentage am I being the Ultimate Health Machine?" Getting hit with the flu over Xmas is my motivation here, while it afforded me the ability to opt out of a holiday I am rapidly growing disenchanted with, it's no fun having Twilight Zone hallucinations and thinking you're gonna die...


• Keep a magickal diary. There is a very convincing argument here for the benefits of doing it.


• Explore the depths of what I can do with my with my new digital camera. And no, sorry, that doesn't mean what some of you think that need to get your minds outta the gutter...